~Chapter 133~

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Joanna's POV
Right before I burned his body, I snapped. I got pissed. I stabbed his body like 30 more times, and it was very brutal. My face and clothes was full of blood. I emptied a bottle of gasoline over him and then I lit him on fire. I realized what I had done, and I bursted into tears. I almost couldn't control myself. Suddenly Kristina came.

"What's going on?", she asked.

"Kristina get back in the house", I said.

"It's okay", she said.

"Kristina get back in the house, I don't want to hurt you!", I explained.

"Why hurt me?", she asked.

"Because I'm so god damn pissed, now leave me the hell alone!", I yelled.

"No, mom", she said as she hugged me.

It was so heartbreaking to hear her call me mom and hugging me even though I could kill her. Was i just wanted to murder someone, but I tried to stay away from her. She tried to calm me down, and then she took the knife slowly out of my hand.

"I think it's time for you to see a therapist", she said.

She was right. I usually wouldn't admit it, but now I did. The next day, I went therapy the first time after about 15-20 years.

"I need help", I told the therapist.

"What do you need help with Mrs Murphy? What's on your mind?", he asked.

"I just.. I feel like a horrible person", I told him.

"I'm sure you're not. A lot of people says that", he said.

He just told a murderer that she's not a horrible person. A mass murderer. A kidnapper. A person who tortures people for revenge. But he doesn't know that. And I can't tell him either.

"Why do you feel like a horrible person, Mrs Murphy?", he asked.

"Joanna. Call me Joanna", I said.

"Okay Joanna, what do you think you're doing wrong?", he asked.

"If I told you, it would be over for me", I said.

"Is it that bad?", he asked.

"oh yeah, it is", I said.

"Fine, if you for example told me you've killed someone, I would tell the police about it. But now, I think I should let you know that I won't. So whatever it is, I will help you, okay?", he asked.

"If I find out you've told someone, I will come for you", I threatened him.

He looked shocked at me. I could tell he knew what my problem was.

"I manipulate people, I kill them, I kidnap their children, and I make them connect with me just for them not to tell on me.. I drug them.. I lock them up.. I hit them.. I deny them the right to go to school.. I deny them the opportunity to talk to other teenagers, in fear of them getting too close, and then they tell them about their stories, me getting arrested, my husband getting arrested, we escaping from prison, us killing their new friends because we're afraid they're gonna tell on us.. us paying people for preventing the police from finding out things, us helping other criminals with their crimes, us earning money for that, us with no jobs, us still having millions of money.. us being horrible people", I told him.

He didn't answer me. He just looked at me worried.

"Do you know why this is happening? Why you're like this?", he asked.

"No.. just that my parents died when I was a little kid.. I was ruined after that", I told him.

"I have a plan. How about this: You try to change, you can talk to me every week, and then I won't tell the police about your actions.. deal?", he asked.

"Deal", I said.

"Can I ask you how the child you kidnapped is doing?", he asked.

"It's two of them.. her friend is there too.. we.. we adopted them.. we're getting close, but they're still a little upset sometimes", I told him.

"Are you a good mother to them?", he asked.

"I don't know.. I'm trying to be motherly and things like that, but the next day I'm just drugging them or.. hitting them or locking them up.. abusing them", I explained.

"Tell me the worst thing you've done physically to them, and then I will help you how to avoid these things", he said.

"I shot one of them in the hand, and I've stabbed the same person in the upper hand", I told him.

"In what situation?", he asked.

"I shot her just because she didn't want to hand me her phone.. I don't even remember why I stabbed her", I said.

"Try different types of consequences, no violent ones. Try to take the phone from her by force, or tell her that she's grounded if she doesn't give you her phone voluntarily", he suggested.

"I'll try.. but I really think I should go now", I said because I got a little upset.

But that changed quickly. When I got back home, Alex, Dory and Kristina had made dinner. Spareribs.

"Awe, sweet! That really means a lot", I smiled.

"How did the therapy session go?", Dory asked.

"It.. it was fine", I said.

The rest of the day, we watched a movie and then we went to bed.

Author's note
Lucas helped me planning the chapter.

-Kristina Leonora

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