Sirius Black | Omnia Vincit Amor ✓

Chapter 17: Strange feelings

~ Mathilda POV ~

I didn't exactly know when it hit me, but when it did it hit me hard. Great, why me? I thought to myself. More and more I caught myself looking at the Gryffindor table for a certain someone. And yes, you guessed right, I was looking at no other than Sirius Orion Black. I just couldn't help myself and I suddenly knew what Emma had meant when she was talking about Ian. Sirius was extremely handsome, utterly easy on the eyes. He was gorgeous. 

His onyx, shoulder-length silken curls that sometimes fell over his eyes looked marvelous, he was not the tallest, but still quite tall and quite slender, his face was sharp and he always walked with such a self-confidence that it nearly swept me of my feet. 

Was I maybe a bit too dramatic? No, I didn't think so. I couldn't help myself he just was a sight for sore eyes. I just admitted it -at least to myself- that I had developed a huge crush on him. But why? Did I not plan on avoiding and disliking him for the rest of my life? What had suddenly changed and why? Nothing had happened between us, why would I suddenly catch feelings for him? For someone like him. Someone so rude and self-centered.

Well, I wasn't the only one. He had many girls drooling after him, from his year, but also from our year. He only paid attention to some of them, the ones he considered to be pretty I guessed. He obviously enjoyed the sudden attention he got from the girls at school. Standing somewhere in a corridor as proud as a peacock surrounded by crazy hens who admired while he told them about his life and whatever. Did I bother? Yes, of course I did. Did I let it show? I really hoped not.

But honestly how could you not day-dream about him? How could you not drool after him? He was perfection in person. He was handsome, like deadly handsome, like the most handsome boy I had ever seen. 

His piercing grey eyes nearly made my knees wobbly although I had only seen them from afar. And don't even get me started on his voice. There was a slight rasp to it. Had I nearly walked into a wall the other day when he had shouted, 'Hey mate, come here' and I had for the slightest moment believed that he was going to say, 'Hey Mathilda'? Yes, I totally had. 

It was embarrassing. This whole situation was out of control. My traitorous heart and brain were out of control and I cursed them daily for betraying me like that.

Ugh, his whole demeanour could make me scream. Why did I have to have a crush on him? On him out of all people?

He did not even know I existed. Even if he knew, he would definitely not like me. I was...well, I was Mathilda. I was not odd or different than many other girls, but I was...inexperienced. And he seemed to like experienced girls. I hadn't even held hands with a boy yet.

Talking about hands — he had beautiful hands. I only knew that because he was constantly waving them around in the air while talking and waddling around like a proud, stupid peacock.

In Salazar's name, why did he have to be so utterly perfect? And Godrick—

Had I been staring at him the whole damn time?

"Bloody hell, not you, too, right? He has also caught your attention? Oh god, no," said Britt, giving me a questioning look and grimacing simultaneously. Well, shit. She probably had caught me admiring him for the 5th time today already. "No, I have no idea what you are talking about!" I huffed while probably blushing like a fool. 

"Great Mathilda, really well done! Don't waste your time on someone like him, he doesn't even deserve you a teeny-tiny bit," she argued sternly. "I don't! And I mean! I don't fancy him. Not at all!" I told her, trying to sound angry and serious, but I could not even convince myself that I had really meant it. She just gave me a weird face and mumbled something like "mhm right" while shaking her head. I tried to protest, but we were interrupted by the boys joining us at the the table, which I was truly grateful about since I did not want to go on talking about Sirius.

While eating I constantly tried to not look over at the Gryffindor table because I did not want to be a creep and most importantly I wanted to convince Britt that I definitely did not have a crush on him. I had no idea if she believed me, but at least she did no further asking.

Over the next weeks I still caught myself looking at him many times. He was often surrounded by girls who looked at him like he was some kind of Greek god. Did it bother me? Ahm, yes. But I told myself every time that it shouldn't bother me and that I should actually not care because it is stupid to have feelings for someone who probably didn't even know that I existed. I tried to push the feelings away as much as I could and even agreed to go on a Hogsmead date with David, a Ravenclaw boy, who actually seemed quite nice. The date was all right, but we both soon realised that we would definitely be better of as friends as we turned out to be quite similar.
 Sirius also took a girl on a date to Hogsmead. No, don't think now that I am a creepy stalker or something. I am not. They just sat on the table right next to us which was amazing - not. She was constantly laughing at what he said, which wasn't even that funny and he definitely enjoyed the kind of appeal he had on her.

The rest of the school year past relatively quickly, this year I wasn't even that bad at Transfiguration, but that didn't mean that it was easy. 

Anyways, after the exams I was really looking forward to going home. The girls and I met a lot over the summer holidays and we went to lakes or Diagon Alley. I also spent quite some time with my mum and my aunt who wanted to teach me everything about wand-less magic. She kind of forgot that we were not really allowed to practice magic outside of Hogwarts under 17, but even after telling her she wasn't really bothered and still went on teaching me certain spells without a wand. Thank god no one ever found out.