Sirius Black | Omnia Vincit Amor ✓

Chapter 76: Let's Go For A Ride

~ Mathilda POV ~

The past days were hard, Sirius and I had talked a lot, he did not go on Order missions but we took a lot of walks and just enjoyed each others company. I comforted him a lot and he also cried a lot, but it got slightly better over time.

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"NO! No, Regulus. Stay away from him, no not another curse, no...NO!"

I immediately sat up straight in bed, my eyes shooting open. Quickly grabbing Sirius' sweaty body, I pull him close to me. "Sssch. Please...please calm down it was just a nightmare, sssch, you will be fine. Baby, please calm down," I tried to comfort him, running my hands though his hair and pulling him close to my chest.

"It was just a nightmare," I once again mumbled, rubbing idle circles to his back. He clung to my arms, grabbing them tightly and sobbing into my chest. He was bathed in sweat, his clothes sticking to his body and panting heavily. Damp curls clutched to his face, tendrils of hair curling around his forehead.

I placed kisses on his head pulling him even closer to me and whispering phrases of comfort into his hair.
"Want to talk about it? The same dream as usual?" I asked, carefully and felt him nod.

"Yes, as usual. I was at Grimmauld Place again and she tortured us for misbehaving....Christmas Day when I was 12," he stammered and stroked his hair, wrapping my legs around him.

"She hurt him so badly and I could do nothing, I just had to watch because my legs were numb from the curses she fired at me....I could not help him. I was never there for him, I could never help him and not even now, not even when he was close to death I could help him," he sobbed, grabbing my arms tighter, his voice so hoarse.

"I let him die, not doing anything to help him!"

He was in so much pain, my chest started aching. I wanted to help him, but how other than comforting him.

"That is not true! It is not your fault. It is no ones fault. He made this decisions himself and no one is to blame for," I then said, sternly and he pushed himself away from me.

"So you are saying that it is his fault. That he had a death wish or what?" he grunted, pushing himself up and getting up from the bed. Still weeping, he made his way over to the bathroom.

"No, that is of course not what I am saying. As I said this is no ones fault, he did what he thought was right and in my eyes he is a hero," I told him, walking after him and grabbing his arm. "Sirius, please don't let us fight now. You know excatly what I mean. It is no ones fault!"

"Maybe you should have tried talking to him more often!" he then said, blunt, cold. The colour drained from my face and I felt tears dwell in my eyes. My stomach dipped, regret and shame filling me.

"Alright, so I am taking the blame now!?" I hoarsely said, feeling my throat dry out when I stormed out of the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

How many times had I blamed myself during the past days for not talking to him enough? For not being able to convince him to change sides. To move in with Sirius? To accept my help?

I knew that I should have tried harder but he never let me in and it was hopeless. After school I even sent him letters but he never responded. He shut me out completely and there was no way to reach him.

I knew that I had failed him, but hearing it from Sirius mouth just broke my heart. He blamed me. He was disappointed in me and I knew it. And I could not even be mad at him for that. He was right. I had failed.

I put on some slippers and stormed out of the house. I needed to get out, away from his disappointed eyes, from feeling like I had failed.

I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to get away. I started running into seemingly nothing. Roads, lights, cars everything got blurry through the tears in my eyes. I felt mud and water on my feet, the slippers where not made for walking in wet grass. I crossed a park, panting heavily after running for some minutes. I only wore a short nightgown and the cool night air crept up my legs, while wind blew through my hair. I sat down on a bench, pulling my knees to my chest and crying into them. A shiver ran down my spin while I bit down on the back of my hand.