Sirius Black | Omnia Vincit Amor ✓

Chapter 29: You Have No Idea What That Feels Like - Trust Me I Do

-the same day a few hours later -

~ Mathilda POV ~

We were currently sat in DADA and Mrs Pines kept on asking stupid questions that anyway no one could answer. Emma sat next to me, with her mind somewhere. She still regretted not kissing Ian after that Quidditch game. She really wanted to do it, but Ian was just an idiot. He hooked up with a girl from 5th year and we all saw them leave the party together. Emma tried to be strong, but it really hurt her, she immediately left the party and went to the dorm room, crying into her pillow. We all cuddled her and told her everything was going to be fine, internally preparing to hex Ian the next time we saw him.

"Alright, Ms Deeks, this is the third time asking you now and still no answer. What is going on with you?" Mrs Pines said, approaching Emma and giving her an annoyed look. I really wanted to help her, but I also did not know the answer.

And then it happened.

Very suddenly the normally always very calm Emma snapped. "I don't know. Maybe I don't know the answer because I was thinking about other things during the lesson? Because DADA is maybe not the most important thing in my life right now. I have other problems to deal with and DADA doesn't interest me a single bit right now!" Mrs Pines looked at her in shock and before she could say anything Emma jumped up, grabbed her things and ran out of class. Mrs Pines followed after her to the door, screaming that she should come back and this will have consequences.

Britt, Julie and I stared at each other in shock. We have never seen her like that and had no idea that she was really feeling so badly. Cold trickled down my spine and I knew I had to do something, I knew I had to go after her.

"Professor, could I please go to the loo?" I said, raising my hand. "Of course not, put your hand down Ms Bell. No one is going to leave the classroom anymore!" What? Was she serious right now?  "Professor, please! I need to go," I whined. "I am on my period. And it is really urgent! I am bleeding through my—" I then blurted out earning a few weird and disgusted looks. 

Oh please, you immature idiots grow up!

Mrs Pines cut me off with the raise of her hand. "Alright, go! Please, go," she grumbled, pretty annoyed, a grimace on her face, but honestly I couldn't care less right then. I just wanted to be there for Emma. The other two quickly smiled at me before I left the classroom. But where would I go now?

After wandering around the castle and checking the dorm and common room I started walking towards the library. It was already nearly the end of November and pretty cold outside, so she would probably not go down to the lake or to Hagrid. After walking for a few more minutes I suddenly heard light sobbing coming from not far away and I had flashbacks to when I found Regulus back in 4th year crying about Sirius.

I turned the corner and there she was sat, slightly looking up when she heard someone approach. "You shouldn't have, I'm such a fool, Mathilda. I'm such a child. So immature. Still crying about my crush who does not requite my love. Look at me and what a fool I am. I am so stupid," she blabbered in between sobs and it broke my heart, seeing her like that and I had to hold back my tears. I immediately ran up to her, dropped to the floor and pulled her into my arms. "Ssshh, you are not a fool. And you are not immature or stupid. You are in love and there is nothing wrong about that," I tried to comfort her, but she then said something that broke my heart even more. "How should he ever love me? I am so ugly and fat. And he is so handsome and deserves someone like Jenna. She was so beautiful and next to her I look like a disgusting little dwarf!"

"YOU SHUT UP NOW!" I blurted out. "You are amazing and incredibly beautiful. The best friend people can only dream of! Ian is a fool for not seeing how amazing you are and moreover he doesn't even deserve you! You are brilliant in every way and I am more than proud to call you my friend!" I told her while pulling her even tighter into my arms. It was true. Everything I said was 100% true and it truly hurt me that she didn't see herself like that. She started smiling a little bit, blinking away the tears and looking up to me.

"I am so happy to have you, Mathilda. And also the other girls. What would I do without you? Thank you for saying all those nice things," she finally said, hugging me back.

"But it is just so difficult, seeing the person you have feelings for every single day and knowing that they will never like you. Or never like you the way you like them. This somehow destroys me, Mathilda. You have no idea what that feels," she muttered, looking into the distance.

At the end of the corridor we could see them walking.

James. Lily. Marlene. Sirius.

James was talking to Lily while Sirius had his arm wrapped around Marlene as they were currently laughing at each other.

My stomach cramped. It hurt. It was a different kind of pain. It was a pain that made the heart ache. Jealousy.

 "Oh, trust me Emma, I do," I said calmly, still looking into the distance as the group of them suddenly disappeared. "I'm sorry, I am a fool, I forgot!" Emma suddenly whispered, hugging me. We both just kept looking down the corridor, my mind pretty empty, but somehow caught in between thoughts about Emma and of course Sirius and Marlene. I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when I heard the school bell ring (I know there is probably no bell in HW but in my story there is) and I knew class was over and really hoped I would not get into detention for not returning to class. Well, at least the school day was over for today. We sat there for some time longer, probably hours just talking and when it was finally time to have dinner we quickly wiped away the rest of our tears and got up to walk to the Great Hall. Oh yes, I had cried, too, but I did not even really notice it.
We both probably still had red puffy eyes and damp lashes when we entered the hall. We received some very odd looks, but just ignored them, holding hands and sniffing. We made our way over to the Hufflepuff table and I gave Britt and Julie a sympathetic smile. They immediately pulled Emma into a tight hug, mumbling a few comforting words to her that even made her smile. Jesper and Ian just looked extremely perplexed and tried to ask us questions, but we just told them off and told them it was none of their business. I tried to avoid looking at the Gryffindor table, I did not want to see him and especially not them together. I was just so confused about him. One day he smiled at me and the other day he drooled over Marlene McKinnon.

Why do boys have to be sooo complicated?

~ Sirius POV ~

Dinner had already started and all her friends were already at the table, so I started wondering where she was. I tried to join conversations with the others, but I was not really interested in Prongs' and Evans' conversation and also Moony's talk about his new favourite book didn't interest me.

Then I saw her entering the hall. She looked devastated, eyes red and her friend next to her looked even worse. Red puffy eyes and on the edge of crying. They held hands, their shoulders slightly shaking.
What the hell has happened to them and who did this?
I immediately became extremely angry, fury and anguish coating my insides. I curled my fingers towards my palms, swallowing a growl, anger slowly reaching the surface. I did not care about the others giving me weird looks. I kept looking at her, wondering if maybe some Slytherin guy had done something to her. From observation (no not creepy) I figured out that that one guy Bertram Aubrey, who was also in Regulus' friendship circle, sometimes tried to talk to her or made rude remarks about her. I knew that if he was the reason for her crying I would beat the shit out of him or hex him really badly.

But then she finally smiled, to what I got a bit relieved. She sat down next to that Jesper guy at whom she just shook her head. Her friend again got pulled into hug by the other girls she was always with.

I was really upset and wanted to know what happened. I tried to look over several times and became quite relieved when I saw her talking and also smiling slightly, but I was also really irritated.
Why did she not look over to out table? I have caught her looking over before? Why did she not smile over at me? Have I done something wrong? Did I hurt her? But I did not do anything? How would I have hurt her?

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So that was a bit of a sadder chapter. Hope you still like it and would really be interested in your opinions on it!! :)