Sirius Black | Omnia Vincit Amor ✓

Chapter 21: Unrequited Love & More Drama

~ Mathilda POV ~

During the summer holidays Britt, Emma, Julie, Ian, Jesper and I met up to spend a day together at a lake. The situation between Emma and Ian was still uncomfortable, but had gotten better and Emma was able to normally talk to him again. It was a lovely day, pretty warm for Great Britain and the sun was shining brightly down on us. We went into the water which was pretty cold, but also quite refreshing.

I already noticed that Jesper was kind of behaving weirdly the whole time and also kind of trying to avoid me and in addition to that he always looked away when I looked at him. First I thought I might imagine it but after some hours at the lake Julie suddenly nudged me and said: "What's up with Jesper? He acts sooo differently today. Never seen him like that." I told her that I had noticed too and that I would try and talk to him once they get out of the water. We were currently lying on our towels listening to music. Muggle music that Britt and Emma have brought. Currently ABBA was on and I absolutely adored their music. I was so happy and the lyrics was just phenomenal.

When the boys got out of the water Jesper said that he would get us all some drinks and snacks from the little shop not far away from here and I saw my chance to talk to him. I quickly jumped up and slipped into my white summer dress saying "I'll join you." He just smiled slightly and nodded. Okayyyy, lovely reaction for offering you to join you so that you have to walk the whole way alone.

For a few minutes we walked in complete silence which was really awkward. We always talked and we always had something to laugh about. He was one of my absolute best friends more like a brother already.

"Alright, stop! What is going on with you? Are you alright? Has something happened? Did we or did I do something wrong?" "What? I don't know what you are talking about," he said, brushing away the topic and starting to walk again. I quickly grabbed his arm and forced him to stop. "Look at me! What is going on? Why can't you just tell me what is bothering you? Maybe I can help you."

"I like you. I like you a lot. Probably more than I should. Yes, I fancy you. For quite some time to be honest. Now it is out!" I looked at him wide-eyed. No. No no no. No. That couldn't be true. He fancied me? No, please don't. Yes, of course I liked him AS A FRIEND. My best friend. But love him? No, not like that. What was going on lately. Did I attract drama lately? Was this what growing up was all about — getting out of one drama and immediately heading head first into the next one? I did not want to lose him as my friend but I also did not want to have him as my boyfriend, and I knew that that sounded rude, but that was just how it was.

"Yeah, I know that you don't share my feelings and your reaction has just proven that," he mumbled with a sad smile on his face. Only then was when I realised that I hadn't given him an answer, but rather stared at him blankly. "I am so sorry, Jesper. You know I love you, you are my best friend. You are like a brother to me. And I know you probably don't want to hear that now. But I am sorry I don't like you like that," I said, trying to touch his shoulder. "Don't worry. That was what I thought. I still had a little hope, but honestly that was exactly the reaction I'd expected to get. Don't be sorry, you did nothing wrong," he mumbled, still looking really disappointed and it broke my heart seeing him like that. I wanted to hug him, but that would have felt very wrong right now. "Can we still stay friends after that awful and really embarrassing confession right now?" he asked, smiling slightly. "Yes, of course. It was not embarrassing, please don't ever feel ashamed about it. And as if I ever would want to spend a day without one of my best friends!" I practically shouted the last part at him. He just smiled, weak and faint and we decided to keep on walking to the little shop.

"Is it because of him?" he asked out of the blue and I cringed, wondering if he thought about what my mind all of a sudden went to. "Sirius, I mean. Regulus' brother."

"You know — what? How?...I mean how would you know? What?" I stammered looking at my friend with an extremely perplexed expression on my face.

How could he know?

I had made fun of Emma for being terrible at hiding her crush on Ian, but supposedly I was even worse.

He just laughed and said, "I knew it. I caught you looking at him so many times. I mean I get it he is handsome. But you definitely deserve someone better. And no, I am not talking about me. I mean generally!"

"Shit....sorry. I really never planned on hurting you. And I know. He is an idiot and I really don't like having a crush on him," I said shaking my head and laughing coldly. He gave me a sad smile, tilting his head in the direction of the shop and so we marched there.

When we reached the shop we bought a few things and wuikly and rather silently made our way back to the others, the situation was still weird, but not as uncomfortable as it was before. I loosened a relief sigh, finally I had gotten it off my chest.

But to make matters worse, the moment we returned to the others there was currently the song Don't go breaking my heart on.

Well, that was a lovely situation - not. I gritted my teeth, not daring to glance at Jesper. I felt shitty but I could not pretend to feel the sane for him, it would not be fair.

The others asked what took us so long to get back but we just explained that we got caught up in talking and finally also the stupid song was over.

Despite everything, the rest of the day was really nice and I enjoyed it a lot.