Sarah Paulson Mental Health & Smut Oneshots

Sarah

⚠️Tw for sucidal & self harm thoughts, eating disorder talk, and panic attack⚠️

Sarah had gone off to shoot some ahs for a while and you've been staying at home.

You try to sound really okay on the phone when you talk to her because she knows how you get lonely and your mental illnesses get a little more intense when your by yourself for a while and you don't want her to feel bad about being gone when she should be focusing on filming.

She's been gone now for five days and your starting to slip back into old habits. You've starting cutting again the other day and you haven't had an appetite so you haven't been eating.

You feel really guilty because she shouldn't have to be here to babysit you. You should be fine without her for two weeks.

You are laying in your bed in the middle of the afternoon with nothing but one of Sarah's hoodies and your underwear.

You feel so numb. To try to feel a little better you decide to pull up and take a shower.

You sit infront of the cabinets hugging your knees and start to tear up. You stare off for a while.

You get pulled out a while later when you hear your phone ring. You pick it up off the floor and answer Sarah's call.

She says, "Hey baby, how are you doing? I miss you." I pull my voice together to sound fine and answer, "I'm good and miss you too. How's filming been going? Give me the details."

After you end the call a while later, you get off the floor, put your hands on the bathroom counter, your head down, and start to cry.

You are pathetic. You can't even get it together while she's gone for a bit? She deserves someone so much better than you.

She's eventually going to see that you relapsed and your going to make her feel guilty for leaving and just doing her job. You should just stop existing so you can stop being a burden to her.

Your back slides down the back of the bathroom door and you sob.

You see your blade sitting on the counter and after staring at it for a while hearing your mind telling you to grab it, you get up and walk out of the bathroom.

You start pacing your bedroom and trying to breathe. It seems you are having a panic attack.

You usually have Sarah here with you to help you calm down but this time you don't.

After an hour of not being to calm yourself down you pick up your phone and call her.

You feel so guilty disturbing her. You don't even know if she call be calling you right now but you just need to hear her voice.

She picks up and asks, "Babe, what's up?" You sniffle as you try to breathe. Sarah quickly realizes what is going on and says, "Hey Y/N it's okay, it's okay, just breathe with me baby."

After she helps you calm down you say, "I'm sorry Sarah I've been trying to not disturb you but I just couldn't calm myself down."

She replies worried, "Hey, it's fine. What got you so anxious? Talk to me."

You inhale and say, "I just haven't been um, doing well, and I'm sorry I've really been trying."

She responds, "It's alright honey. I'm actually getting off early and will be flying home tomorrow morning. So just focus on that I will be home to you at this time tommorrow."

A wave of relief washes over you and you reply, "Okay. I love you." She responds, "I love you too. I'll call you before you go to bed."

You say, "Alright, I'll talk to you then."

The next day

You're sitting on the couch watching tv when you hear the keys in the door. You jump up and run to it. It opens and you quickly wrap your arms around Sarah.

She says, "I missed you babygirl." You reply, "I missed you too."

You cuddle on the couch the rest of the night and watch movies.

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Sorry I haven't updated for a long time. I actually had kind of an attempt a few months back and got my phone taken for a while but I'm back now to give you all content 🙂

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