Sarah Paulson Mental Health & Smut Oneshots

Billie Dean

Requested by @marylomleunice 🙂💜 I hope you like it💕

Word count: 592

⚠️Self harm

AN: Sry it's so short
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Billie, my wife, and I are in the living room arguing over finances. I had taken less shifts at my job because of my mental health this month and Billie is stressed out about that missing money, so she's taking her frustration out on me.

"Just get out of my sight, I can't talk to you right now", Billie says. I reply, with tears streaming down my face, "Please honey, i'm sorry, I had a really bad depressive episode, i'm so sorry, please forgive me."

She rolls her eyes and responds, "Just go." She plops down on the couch and lets out a dramatic frustrated sigh. I walk away and head towards the bedroom as she turns on the tv.

You're a bad wife, cut. You've been wanting to anyways, since the scars are fading and you can't stand not having them there. Do it, cut.

I decide to do it and once I walk into our bedroom, I walk into the bathroom connected to it. I pull out a box that has a secret pencil sharpener and bandaids, that I have hidden behind some old towels we don't use.

I put the box on the counter and toliet paper, and lock the door. I grab everything and sit down on the floor. I take everything out then roll up my sweater sleeve.

You're a burden, Billie deserves better than you.

I sniffle and start cutting deep on the top part at the bottom of my arm. About the sixth one, I realize i've gone to deep.

The skin is too open and won't stop bleeding. Fuck, I need to go to the hospital and have this sutured up.

Damnit, I hope they won't take me to the pych ward and just let me go home when they're done patching me up.

I put a new bit of toliet paper on the cut and press down hard again as I stand up and walk towards the door.

I really don't want to ask Billie to take me but I can't drive with no hands, fuck, she's going to be even more angry with me.

I unlock the door and open it. I walk out of the bedroom and into the living room.

I say sniffling, behind the couch, "Billie..." She turns around to look at me, from the couch, and gives me a look of shock.

I ask, almost breaking into sobs, "I know you're mad at me right now but I need you to please take me to the hospital, please, it won't stop bleeding and it's too deep."

She starts crying and jumps off of the couch. She pulls me into a hug and answers, "Oh course baby, i'm so sorry, your mental health is so important to me i'm sorry I promise i'm not mad at you just about something at work and I had no right to take it out on you i'm so so sorry."
•••••

After the nurse sews up my skin, she decides that it would be okay if Billie took me home, since we promised she could keep me safe, I really don't want to have to go into another inpatient.

On the way home Billie asks, with a hand on my thigh, "Do you want to grab something to eat on the way home?" I nod and she smiles as she asks, "Okay, what sweet girl?"

I answer, "Maybe pizza?" She nods and responds, "Sounds good."