Sarah Paulson Mental Health & Smut Oneshots

Diane Sherman

⚠️ Eating disorder

Word count: 659
_____________

Diane and I are sitting on out couch watching a movie while eating our chinese takeout. I finish mine and she eats about one third of hers. We put everything onto the coffee table and cuddle.

Diane whispers into my ear a few minutes later, "I'll be right back." I nod and she kisses my temple before getting up and going upstairs.

She's been making excuses to leave after we eat together alot which I find odd. I feel like I don't see her eat much anymore. I don't understand why? I've tried to bring it up lately because i'm concerned she's not eating enough and she tells me to drop it so I have. I can't shake the feeling though that something is wrong. She looks like she's been losing weight. We'll some nights almost have sex but then she stops and makes an excuse about how she can't even though it seems like she really wants to.

I realize I left my phone upstairs and I wanted to show her pictures on it of Ashley's, Diane's work friend, trip to Greece, that I saw on her instagram. I get off the couch and head upstairs.

I walk into our bedroom and hear throwing up noises. Did the dinner make her sick? I rush into the bathroom and see her throwing up into the toliet. I rush over and kneels down beside her.

I rub circles on her back and she shrugs me off. She stops puking and leans her back against the wall, after flushing. I ask, "Babe, are you okay?" She responds quickly and distant, "I'm fine I just got nauseous while up here looking for my um... phone charger."

I see on her right hand that two of her fingers have some, i'm guessing puke on them. Oh god, she did this to herself didn't she.

I start tearing up and Diane asks concerned, "Hey hey, what's wrong?" I respond starting to cry, "I'm so stupid. How didn't I put the peices together. You've been purging. I knew something was wrong. I can't believe I didn't figure it out, what the hell is wrong with me?"

She starts crying and replies, "It's not your fault, it's mine. I can't look my body in the mirror anymore, it's so gross. I can't ever make love to you because i'm scared you're going to see my body the way I do."

  I reply, "I know you aren't going to believe me when I say that I love your body, baby you are so beautiful, but please do." She responds, "Oh please, you're just saying that because you feel like you have to."

  I reply grabbing her left hand and putting it in mine, "I'm not I promise. Please let me help you get some help, I don't want you hurting yourself, please you don't deserve it."

  She shakes her head no and responds, "If I try to get better, i'll gain weight, i'd rather die than put back on the pounds i've tried so hard to get off. I do deserve it, i'm disgusting. Everytime I eat, I feel so guilty like i've done something wrong and need to punish myself."

  I start sobbing and she starts crying. I put my head on her shoulder and ask, "Please let me help you, please. You're so wonderful and the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. I'm so sorry you can't see yourself the way I do. It breaks my heart to see you hurting and hurting yourself. I love you so much, please."

She rolls her eyes and quietly replies, "God, what fucking ever, fine." She stands up and walks over to the sink. As she grabs her toothbrush and starts brushing her teeth, I place kisses all over her back and say, "Perfect, absolutely perfect. We'll get through this together."

She responds after spitting in the sink, "Okay, I love you too."