Sarah Paulson Mental Health & Smut Oneshots

Cordelia

⚠️TW: Self harm, eating disorder, suicide attempt

AN: I wasn't doing good the other day so I wrote this quickly, hopefully it is some what comforting to you friends❤️

Word Count: 617
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I wish I was like everyone else. Normal. I wouldn't have to hide my arms and thighs so no one would see the cuts, I wouldn't have to keep saying to myself that I'm going to lose a lot of weight again and promise to starve myself tomorrow and eat everything in the house the night before so the next day I wouldn't be tempted but then not go through with it, I would be able to actually do my schoolwork without thinking the whole time about what if I just ended it all. God, how I wish I was just like everyone else.

  I close my journal and put it back underneath my nightable. I get out of bed and walk into my bathroom and pick up my razor and make some cuts on my arm. I sit there wondering if I should keep cutting till I passout but I put that thought behind me and clean up.

  I step on my scale, +1.5lbs. Great, I actually ate almost as much as everyone else yesterday and I get punished for it.

  I climb back into my bed and fall back asleep. I wale up to Cordelia shaking me awake, she looks mad. I open my eyes and look over at her. She asks, "What's wrong with you? Get out of bed, God, do you like to be miserable?"

  Tears start falling down my face. I hate when people say that I like to be miserable, like why would I want to feel like this.

  I say rolling back over, "Fuck off, Cordelia." She replies, "You know what, fine, be unhappy." She storms off and I wait till she shuts the door to get out of bed.

  I grab my water bottle from the nightable and walk into my bathroom. Grabbing a couple pill boxes from the cabinet, I start taking a few handfuls. I'm so tired of feeling like this, it's been years, things are never going to change. I can't live like this anymore. I wish I could grow up and get a job and a house and experience love like everyone else, but I guess I just wasn't made for that.

  Once they're empty, I walk back into my room and lay in my bed while putting in my airpods to listen to some sad music while I wait for it to all just stop.

  Cordelia's Pov:

  I'm so frustrated that Y/n is not mentally well. I lashed out at her and now I'm going back up to her room to apologize. I knock on the door and when there's no answer, I just walk in.

  She's sleeping so I try to wake her up by shaking her but she's just not waking up. In the corner of my eye, I see pill bottles on the bathroom floor, since the door is open, my eyes quickly widen.

  I scream, "No No No!" I check her pulse and it's faint. I pick her up and carry her to the bathroom where I push some of my fingers down her throat over the toilet to get her to get them out of her body.

  She throws them up and I keep going till it's just bile. She starts sobbing to and I hold her in my arms. I scream for someone and Madison comes running in. She sees what's happening and says, "Oh shit!"

  I say, "Call an ambulance." She nods and runs out of the room to go do so and I hear Y/n cry out, "You should've let me die."