Sarah Paulson Mental Health & Smut Oneshots

Diane Sherman

⚠️ TW: Eating disorder & Self harm

AN: Sry I put in that it's difficult for y/n to even shower for her depression. I wanted to add that because i'm currently really struggling with that. I'm sorry if this is gross but I haven't showered in over a week, I just can't get up and do it, sorry that's kind of yucky. Bye enjoy the chapter friends👋

Word count: 767
_______________________

Y/n's POV:

  You wake up and look over at your dital clock to read the time, 2:45am. You quietly sigh and slowly get up out of bed, trying not to wake up your sleeping girlfriend. You walk into your shared closet and shut the door behind you.

  You turn on the light and go grab your hidden pencil sharpener blade. You sit down after grabbing a box of tissues that were hidding behind so old coats. You take off your pj pants and start slicing your thigh.

Diane's POV:

  I wake up and turn over in the bed. I don't see my y/n but I do see the closet light on. What would she be doing in the closet at night? I get up and walk towards the closet.

  I open the door and was not prepared for what I saw her doing. I say as I start to cry, "Baby, no no no, please stop!" She looks up at me in fear and quickly stop cutting herself. I sit down next to her and ask with my voice shaking, "Why?"

  She starts crying and replies, "I had been restricting for a while and it was great but then I got into this binge cycle and now I have to cut everytime I eat because i'm gross and weak for not being able to control my eating and also that i'm eating at all. I also can't even shower because my depression is just making me too tired."

  I place a tissue on her cuts and reply, "Let me help you with your eating please. I don't want you to feel as if you need to punish yourself everytime you eat. It's important and good for you to take in calories." I shake my head no and I ask, "Can I at least help you have a bath?"

  She replies, "Now?" I nod responding, "Yes, come here my love, let me help you." She moves closer and clings onto me. I make a mental note to get rid of the blade later. I pick her up as she wraps her arms and legs around me and carry her to the bathroom.

  I sit her down on the toliet seat and grab toilet paper. I press it on her cuts to stop the bleeding. She says embarrassed, "I'm sorry." I kiss her forehead and reply, "It's alright baby, i'm here, just let me take care of you." I move to turn on the tap and close the bottom button so the tub fills up with the warm water.

She starts to remove her clothes and once I turn around, I start taking off mine. She kisses my head before helping me get into the bath. She lays behind me and says sniffling, "I just want to like how my body looks, I don't care what I have to do to get to that point."

I reply putting my chin on her shoulder, "Let me help you lose it healthy, please. If you restrict your eating disorder will just make your body dysmorphia worse and you'll never be satisfied with your weight, you'll always want to lose more. You'll become addicted to it, trust me, I know. I dealt with Bulimia in college."

She turns around with a shocked expression and says, "You never told me that. I'm so sorry honey." I sniffle and pull her hair behind her ear responds, "I guess it just never came up. I love you and please come find me next time you feel like you need to cut, please I love you and don't want you to hurt yourself." She nods and replies, "Okay, i'll try."

I help her bathe, and then help her out. I wrap towels around us and we walk back into our bedroom. She sits on the bed and I hand her some pj's. We get into them and I get into bed.

I say, "I know you won't be able to believe me but you don't look gross, your body is absolutely beautiful, I love you so much." She replies, "Thanks, I love you too." I hold her as we fall asleep in eachother's arms.