Sarah Paulson Mental Health & Smut Oneshots

Mildred X Gwendolyn

⚠️TW: Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, hearing voices

AN: The voices in Mildred's head will be in this font since this font is used for her thoughts

Kind of hate this, it's been in my drafts for a while but I decided to upload it.

Word count: 1,154
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Mildred's POV:

  I wake up from my gallbladder surgery and see my girlfriend sitting in the chair next to me. She says smiling, "Oh good, you're awake." I feel her squeeze my hand and I squeeze hers back. I ask, "How did it go?" She responds, "Smoothly." I nod.

You don't deserve to have someone care about you, you're a burden to everyone around you. How do you not see it? You deserve to bleed.

Oh my god! I'm hearing voices in my head? What the fuck? Just ignore them and focus on talking with Gwendolyn.

You deserve to bleed. You deserve to bleed. Cut yourself, honestly go futher than that, it's not like anyone would miss you. Once you're gone, Gwendolyn will be so relieved to have the weight of helping you deal with your PTSD off of her shoulder. You deserve to bleed. Kill yourself.

I start tearing up and Gwendolyn asks concerned, "Babe what's wrong?" Tears start streaming down my face and I answer, "Go get Betsy, please. I need to talk to her." She nods and kisses my forehead before walking out the door.

A few minutes later, Nurse Bucket opens the door. She sits down in the chair next to me and asks, "Are you okay Mildred? Do you feel something went wrong with the surgery?" I shake my head and look down at my fingers as I start to play with them nervously.

I see a ladybug crawling on the side of my bed closest to Betsy and smile a bit saying, "Aw look it's a ladybug, they're so cute." She furrows her brows in confusion as she looks for it. She asks, "I don't see it, where is it?" I answer taking my finger and pointing at it, "Here." I put my finger down on it and my body goes stiff when my hand goes right through it. It. was. never. there.

I put my hand over my mouth and start to panic. I say, "Oh my god!" Betsy asks putting her hand on my shoulder, "Hey hey, what's wrong?" I reply sniffling, "It's not fucking there." She asks concerned, "What's going on Mildred?"

I answer breathing heavily, "I've been hearing voices and now i'm seeing things, I think it's a side effect from one of my medications." Her eyes go wide and she says, "Thank you for telling me, i'll go switch them right away. What kind of thoughts are they, more homicidal or sucidal? Don't tell anyone else, you know what they'll do to you if they take you upstairs." I nod and reply, "Sucidal, it's bad Betsy." She nods getting up and walks out the door.

  Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.

  I whisper to myself, "Shut the FUCK up!"
•••••

Nurse Bucket's POV:

  I go to find Huck. I see him at the nurse's station having a discussion with one of the male nurses and quickly run up to him say quickly, "I need to discuss something with you privately about a patient." He nods and follows me to an empty patient room.

  Once i've shut the door, I say, "Mildred's med side effects are causing hallucinations and voices in her head. I'm going to go switch her meds but I need you to go stay in her room and keep an eye on her." He starts to tear up and asks, "She's NOT going upstairs, right?" I shake my head no and reply, "I'm not going to let that happen." He nods.

  We walk out of the room and we part ways. I go try to find Ms.Briggs to explain the situation to her. I see her sitting in a chair in the next hallway and once she sees me, she immediately stands up. She asks nervously, "So what's wrong? What happened? What went wrong?"

  I answer, "I need to tell you everything privately, follow me." She nods and follows me to another empty patient room where I explain everything to her. She asks, "What does upstairs mean? What will happen if they find out and take her up there?"

  I answer taking a deep breathe, "When somone goes upstairs, they never leave. It's for people who are deemed "crazy". Torturous experiments are preform on them and they're pumped full of anti psychotics and never the same."

  Her eyes go wide and I say assuring her, "The side effects will go away after I switch the meds I promise, then she can go home." She nods.
•••••

Mildred's POV:

Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.

  I can't fucking take it anymore so I grab some medical scissors on the table next to me and begin cutting vertical lines on my wrist.

There you go. Keep going, you deserve it.

I feel a pair of hands rip the blade away from me. I start yelling, "No no no! Give it back!" I look up to see Huck with tears in his eyes.

He says holding onto my injured arm and placing a kiss on my temple, "It's okay, you're okay Mildred. Let's get you cleaned up." I look away from embarrassment. He quickly runs over to the other end of the room and grabs some supplies. He comes back and sits in the chair as he cleans my arm up.

After he bandages it up, I look over in the corner of the room and see a man I killed back when I was working as a triage nurse in the war because he begged me too. I start hyperventilating. Huck moves to the other side of my bed to block where my eyes are looking. He says, "It's not real, it's not real." I reply shaking, "I need to get out, I need to get out! I'm scared i'm scared!"

I hear the door open and jump. Gwendolyn shuts it and runs up to me. She says with a worried expression and holding my arms saying, "Honey it's okay, i'm right here. Nurse Bucket just changed your meds, take a nap, i'll be right here, you'll be better when you wake up, okay." I nod and cry.
•••••

I wake up from what looks like a couple hours later. I look to see Gwendolyn sleeping in the chair next to me and I see and feel her hand in mine.

My mind, it's quiet. Oh thank god, it's over.
•••••

Gwendolyn took me home that night and for the past week has been taking care of me since i've been recovering from my surgery. She's also been there for me and asked me to talk to her about what happened with what happened with my meds. Talking it out as helped.