Sarah Paulson Mental Health & Smut Oneshots

Audrey Tindall

AN: Hi I ended up writing the hospital and right before hospital on my experience to try to kind of get it out of my head so I hope you don't mind. Except I didn't have a cute girlfriend to hold me haha. Anyways hope you like it.

⚠️TW: Sucide attempt

Word count: 885
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My girlfriend Audrey left our home three days ago to travel to where she's going to shoot some scenes for a movie she's acting in. I haven't been doing well mentally. I've really been trying to be okay without her but i'm just not.

  I stopped going to work and i've been feeling a lot more depressed and anxious than usual. She calls me every night and I put on my fake happy voice so I don't burden her with my problems. Why would I worry her when she's so excited to be working? I don't want to bring her down.

The next day, i'm sitting on the couch watching a movie when I get a headache. I grab my water bottle from the table infront of me and walk into the kitchen.

I look through the medicate cabinet and find the Excerderine. I grab the bottle and pour two into my hand and swollow them with water. Almost like I zoned out and had no control over my body, I picked the bottle back up and pour the rest of them into my hand. I swollow them and grab my depression medicine and swollow what is left of that bottle.

A few minutes of just standing there not thinking of anything, I realize what I have just done and scream, "OH MY GOD, FUCK!" I tear up and call for an ambulance. I sit on the kitchen floor waiting for them to arrive.

I hear the sirens. They're for me. We hear sirens all the time but it hits different when you know it's for you and not just some random person they're driving to to pick up and that it's for you because you've done something bad to yourself that's your fault.

I hear a knock at the door and slowly get up to answer it. I've never been this nervous. I open it and the police officer asks, "I'm looking for Y/n Y/l/n." You reply anxiously, "That's me sir." You hear the police dogs in a police car next to your house and it freaks you out. A paramedic escorts you into the ambulance, can't wait for this expensive bill to come in the mail, because America.

You sit down and they ask you a bunch of questions before you sit down on the bed and they hand you a drink of charcoal. You hold your nose and jam some down your throat. You take two sips before you throw it up into a puke bag. You throw up again and the paramedic says, "We'll try again later." I nod and once we arrive at the hospital, they roll my bed out of the ambulance and into a room in the ER.

Some nurses walk in and have me take off my clothes and put on a gown. One of them takes my arm and gabs the needle for the IV into me. I guess she's annoyed to have another trying to be dead person in here. They walk out and I lay there in the dark and sob out of guilt.

A nurse who's infront of my open door at her computer, walk up to me and sits next to me in a chair telling me about how she knows a friend that's uncle committed sucide and the family never got over it and that i'm being very selfish. Shut the fuck up bitch, you don't even know me!

She leaves and a few hours later, they wheel me upstairs to a patient room where they do ekg's on me every two hours because apparently oding on the specific anti depressant I took can cause heart problems.

I turn on the tv to distract myself since i've been violently been throwing up for the past six hours. The food and stomach acid is gone, now i'm just dry heaving.

I hear a women sobbing and running around. She yells at the nurses then I see Audrey at my door. She breaks down and runs up to hold my hand. She grips it so tight and i've never felt more guilty in my life.

I say sobbing, "Audrey i'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it, it just happened, i'm so sorry, I love you." She nods and responds, "I love you too, i'm so happy you're going to be okay. My god that whole flight I was so scared and such a wreck!"

I dry heave again and Audrey puts her hand on my back as she says, "Baby it's okay, it's okay." She asks, "Do you want to order some dinner?" I shake my head no replying, "I can't get anything down, everything just comes back up, even saltine crackers." She wipes her tears and I ask, "Can you please hold me?"

She responds, "Yeah." She lays on her side on the end of the hospital bed and she places kisses all over my face. We exchange I love yous and fall asleep.