Don't Tell

Fazed

Jess's pov...

I open my eyes and rub them, the intoxicating smell of the soap fills my nostrils. I can't believe I fell asleep in the fucking jacuzzi! I lick my lips and look around to see the room is still empty and quite.

I look down at the remainder of the bubbles that laid on top of the now white water. I reach up my hands and draw a star into the white foam and watch it slowly connect back.

Adam's POV....

"Where is she?!?" I ask my workers as they all run around the house to find Jess. I'm gone for a couple of hours and they manage to fucking lose her!

"It shouldn't take two hours to find her.... Did she run out again?" I ask one of my security guards and he shakes his head and sighs frustratingly.

"I swear Adam, she has to be in this house because I've been patrolling the area all day. She wouldn't have a chance against me." He says opening up a couple of doors, he peeks in and groans.

"Did anyone check the pool area?" He asks and without a thought in mind, I turn around and run down stairs. I swear, if she is not in here.... I'm going to fucking lose it! I open the door and run down the stairs.

Jess's POV....

I've been down here long enough. I'm quite surprised no one came down here to take a swim. I hop out of the jacuzzi and stretch my already relaxed muscles.

"Jess, what are yo-." I jump in shock at Adam's outburst but he stops his sentence and quickly turns around to face the way we both came from to get here.

"Jess... Put your clothes on and get back to your room." He says in a low tone before rushing back to the direction of the stairs. Words cannot describe the level of embarrassment I am experiencing right now.

He looked away so fast.... Am I that disgusting? I look down at my belly and grab ahold of the extra fat I have. I remember him throwing up every time he looked at me.... It bruised my ego a little.

I sigh and slowly put on my clothes. I shouldn't care what he thinks anyway.... Well... I hope he doesn't find out about that soap bottle. That would result in a beating for sure.

By the time I got to my room and shut the door, I start thinking about Ace and Cody. If anything, Chris should have let me be in the hands of them. I would have behaved..... I think.

I miss Cody talking to me about his girlfriend and the embarrassing things he did in front of her. I miss Ace tucking me in after a wild night out and he makes sure I wake up to a pain killers, water, breakfast, and a two hour lecture. I really took advantage of those things.

It just makes me so angry that Chris could be so upset at me, he raised me.... Any flaw of mine is his fault. And Maria, I hope she isn't disappointed with everything that has happened and everything that was said.

She means the world to me as well and just the thought of her hurt due to my actions kill me. I'm not sure if I started the whole fight with Chris.... But he sure did finish it. Call me crazy but.... It kinda hurts that he hasn't called to check up on me. He must have meant everything he said.

I didn't notice that I curled myself into a ball on the cold and lifeless bed. I also didn't notice the flow of tears until a taste of slight salt reached my lips. I'm not use to crying and being in LA LA land all the time..... It hurts to think because I always end up getting angry.

Everyone thinks I am unfazed by everything, they couldn't be more wrong. I can get so angry that I scare myself. I remember beating up a girl until she was unconscious for the most dumbest reason......

~Flashback ~

"Jess, how about we hangout at my place again?" Austin asks with a smirk, he gives my thigh a squeeze from under the table.

"Hmmmmm, depends on what you are planning to do." I say tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. He chuckles and kisses me on the cheek before getting up to leave the table.

"A new girl, I heard you like horse dick!" I look up to see the football players making fun of this red head girl. Her hair was in pigtails and her face is heavily freckled.

I think I heard the rumor of some new chick being kicked out of her old school for having a video leaked of her sucking a horse's penis. However, I'm not gonna go looking for the video to confirm that rumor.

"Catch this you fucking twink!" Someone yells and literally a second in, I feel the sting of hot food on me and I hear the sounds of laughter around.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean t-." I got up from my seat and pushed her. She lost her balance but got back up, she was shaking and I'm not sure from fear or anger but I sure as hell plan to find out.

"You stupid bitch, how dare you spill food on me! My outfit cost more than your fucking life you dumb bitch!" I scream at her and she started to cry, what a pathetic bitch. Play victim.

The whole cafeteria is now around us chanting 'Fight, Fight, Fight' and 'two losers going at it'. It made me so angry that I wasn't invisible, I managed to be out the light and this bitch had to ruin it for me.

She tried to leave but they pushed her and she fell into me and stepped on my shoes. I pushed her harder to the other side and swung my fist as hard as I possibly can. My fist successfully connects with her jaw and she falls on impact.

"Dam, beat her ass Jess!" I hear Austin say and I look back and nod. I grab her by her shirt to lift  her up a bit and I just continued to punch her until blood splattered on my face and she was limp.

~End of flashback~

It wasn't her fault and it made me even more guilty when she was bullied for a year after that. She attempted to end herself three times before her parents enrolled her into a mental hospital.

Those same people who bullied her and laughed at her, blamed it all on me.... Even though I never talked to her after the fight. I wish it was all different.... I wish we could have been friends, I wish I could have controlled my anger because it was mostly due to embarrassment... I cared what people thought... It fazed me.