MY FAKE ROMANCE WITH THE HOTTEST GUY IN SCHOOL

CHAPTER 34: PDA

Tom's point of view.  I wake up. Partly because my problem which is happening all the time, when I hold Madison. I try to get out of bed without waking her, and head to take a cold shoulder.  I get back in bed, she's still asleep. I watch her sleep.  My head is spinning. Partly because of how good she smells, and what it is doing to me, all of me, my stomach, my brain, my groin.  But also because of what I want to ask her, but not sure if I can without chickening out, and also not sure if I should.  I want to ask her two things.  But I don't want her to freak out on me. I know this is all new to her, and she is going to be upset about being at the party, and it is going to trigger memories, and I want to make her feel safe, and the best way that I know how to do that is hold her close, hold her tight to me. And I mean we are fake dating, and to convince everyone at school that I'm not just trying to teach Tara a lesson, or I'm not just trying to hurt Tara.

Ok that is how this started, I was clear on what I was wanting to accomplish. I didn't want a girlfriend. I wanted to be free, enjoy my senior year, hang out with my friends, guys only, be single, but also hurt Tara, make her jealous, make her regret what she did, make her tell everyone she was wrong. But now things have changed. I just want to hang out be with Madison. Tease her make her laugh. And the more I hold her, the more I'm obsessing over kissing her. I know I'm being a jerk. But I want this girl, more than I have ever wanted a girl. I find it's all I can think about. Maybe it's the fact that I know I can't ever have her. It's really hard to keep my thoughts pure with her so close to me. She smells so damn good, and I just want her in my arms, and just to kiss her. But I have to go slow with this. I can't just kiss her, her first kiss, at a crowded party, everyone staring. She would panic, and with what happened to her at a party, it's not the right situation.  No, our first kiss needs to be us alone. But not sure how to approach it. If this was any other girl, I wouldn't be nervous, and I just would kiss her.  But she's different. I get so anxious and nervous thinking about kissing her, I'm afraid I'll mess up. So, our first kiss definitely needs to be us alone. I need to ask her to go out with me, on an official date. Then maybe I can say that we should practice, so it's not awkward. I mean that sounds believable right.

 I want to make it clear to everyone at that party, every guy at that party, that she is mine. I want them to leave her alone. I know she's worried about the big crowd and getting separated. And I won't let that happen. And the best way to ensure that it doesn't, is to be practically attached to her. But it will take all of my will power to have her so close and in my arms. I want to dance with her. I don't even like to dance. But I want to with her. And if we are dancing, and the way she smells, I want to kiss her. So that plays in with us convincing them. I mean I'm going to try ask Madison if she is ready to start showing a little something to convince people. But I feel like I'm being a jerk. With her fear of parties, with what happened to her at one, having me dancing with her, I don't want to scare her.  The other thing I want to ask her, is if she will wear my jersey. I really want her to wear it. I want to give it to her, and her wear it all year, at all my games. But I want her to wear it tonight. Just picturing it would look so good on her. Will be way too big, but she will look perfect in my jersey.

I wake up.  Tom is looking like he is deep in thought. Almost like he is worried or struggling with something.  I said, 'Tom are you ok"

 He looked at me.  He said, 'yes." 

 I said, "do you want to talk, you look like you are struggling with something"

 He said, 'Actually yeah, I am, I do want to talk to you. I've just been debating about whether I should bring this up"

I sit up. I know by look on his face, it's serious. He takes my hand.  

He said, "Are you sure you want to go to this party?"