MY FAKE ROMANCE WITH THE HOTTEST GUY IN SCHOOL

CHAPTER 102: PREPARING FOR PROM

Track season has flown by.  It's  late April.  I have won all my races.  Tom built me a beautiful wooden shelf to keep all my medals on, and I also put a framed picture of me and Tom, and some other pictures with Tom and his family.

I feel sick as each day passes because our school year is almost over.  It's funny that I spent my whole life wishing time could speed up, and I could be a senior and graduate, and move away, and now I am wishing that time would slow down. I'm dreading school being over.  

I am trying to get all my courage up, to tell Tom my true feelings for him on our approaching senior trip.  Trying to find the best way to say it.  Emma keeps telling me that all I need to do is ask him how he feels about me. She keeps saying she is sure that he won't want to break up. I wish I could be sure.

I've been having bad dreams.  Luckily Tom moved back to his room, and so he doesn't know about my bad dreams.  In each dream they are all the same, we go to senior trip, and Mike and I switch rooms, and then in some dreams I tell Tom how I feel, that I don't want to break up. That I'm in love, and by the look on his face, I see he is shocked, and he is upset, because he doesn't want to hurt me but he doesn't think of me that way.  It's so awkward after I tell him, and he doesn't know what to say, so I just tell him it's ok and start crying, and then he feels bad, so the rest of the trip is awkward between us.  

The other ones I don't tell him, because I start out by asking him his true feelings about me, that Emma told me to ask him, because she thinks he might want to skip the breakup, and he tells me no that June 1st is still the day we need to break up, and that he thinks of me as his best friend and soulmate, but nothing else.  Each dream I have makes me more and more afraid that I won't be able to tell him.

Emma told me that if I chicken out, and can't tell him, it will be ok, she can wait and then before June 1st, she will ask Mike, or ask Tom if Mike don't know.  That way if Tom doesn't want me then at least our deal will soon be over, and he won't need to know how I feel about him.  I am just trying to prepare myself, so that I don't fall apart, and start crying on him. The thought of it makes me cry, and I don't want him to feel bad.  He has been the sweetest guy I have ever known. I'd never want to hurt him or upset him, or make him feel bad. It's my fault that I fell in love. Not his.

Prom is next Saturday night.  Emma is thrilled and excited and can't wait.  I don't want to hurt her feelings, so I'm trying to act excited. But I just am not excited about it.  I think part of it is because the prom, and the senior trip, then graduation are the last 3 things in our fake dating contract.  After that we break up. I  lose my boyfriend. And I am just so worried about it, and each day that passes is a day closer to losing him.

The other part of me just keeps thinking about the last time we were at the gym for a dance.  Valentine's Day dance.  The evening was perfect, until it wasn't. That week was perfect. Well it didn't start out perfect. Tom getting in that huge fight with his dad over me having to move to my own room.  But Tom's dad took me to the father daughter dinner.  Which I was so proud to be there with him.  Made me feel so good about myself. And then Tom was so sweet, and the dance was going perfectly. Then our worst nightmare happened. I keep going over it in my mind, reliving the whole night, the phone call from Tom's mom as we are dancing, her asking me for a favor, saying she's sorry but she needs me to be there for Tom, and tell him, then me telling Tom, and him not believing me.

We've tried hard to make things better for Molly and Mia, so that they can smile a little, and laugh, but the girls and Tom are still so upset and  always will be.  The Hanson family is not the same. Never will be again.  Tom's dad's presence is so missed.  Dinner, breakfast, Tom tries to tease the girls, get them to laugh, but it's hard on him, because everyone just stares at the empty chair.