old cringe sapnap oneshots

💛Hard to keep my cool✨

CW//Implied NSFW.

A/N Fuck the lore, let me have my quacknap</3.

"No, Wilbur, I just want you to GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY LAND." Quackity hissed, stamping his foot angrily as he glared towards the man. "Alriiiiight, Big Q, relaaax...," The brunette laughed, flicking the white streak of hair out of his eyes. "I'll leave Las Nevadas..."

"Good, I hope that I never have to see you again... But I know that i'm not that lucky."

And with that, Wilbur turned and strode off, digging his hands into his pocket with a groan. "Fucking moron... Just let me into the fucking country already..! I could run this place so much better than you..." He grumbled under his breath, wondering how he could convince the duck hybrid to let him back into Las Nevadas territory and, maybe, even co-own... Soon to fully own... The property... "I just have to make him even angrier, annoyed, upset..." His eyes caught something... Or rather, someONE... Out of the corner of his sight.

"Or jealous... Yeah, jealousy could work..."

*--*

Quackity had decided to take a walk in order to blow off some steam, sighing in relief as he lost sight of Wilbur and got to take in and enjoy the beauty of his country, without some dickhead ruining it. He started off in a random direction and began to walk, placing one hand in his pocket while the other shielded his eyes from the harsh glare of the merciless sun bearing down on him and the golden sands.

He saw someone, two someones, not too far into the distance and decided to get closer to them. "Maybe it's Purpled and Fundy, I haven't seen them hanging around the main buildings at all today... Perfect, I do have some business to discuss with them." He got within range of their voices and started to hear the conversation. "Get away from me, you jackass, i'm married-." One snapped, the corresponding figure slapping away a hand that had snaked onto their shoulder. "Don't you mean engaged? I don't see a wedding ring on that chain around your pretty little neck." The other laughed, shrugging them off.

Scoffing, the first put a hand on their hips and rolled their eyes. "At least I even have a steady relationship... Last I heard, your girlfriend left you with a kid years ago."

The second figure, which Quackity finally realised was Wilbur, reached a free hand out and tilted the raveonette's head up, placing a thumb on his bottom lip. "That's really none of your business... I, personally, find it better not to be tethered down... One night stands are preferable... Especially, of course, if it's continuous..." Sapnap huffed, a bit of frustrated smoke escaping from his mouth as he emitted a low hiss while he spoke. "Hands off, freak, or i'll bite your fingers off-."

Wil was quick to retract his hand, holding it protectively close to his chest. "Feisty one, aren't you? Doesn't really matter, I can tame it, i've done that before..." Sapnap just continued to stare at him, wondering whether or not he was being pranked and there were others nearby or Wilbur was genuinely trying to flirt with him, a soon-to-be-married man... ENGAGED TO TWO FUCKING PEOPLE, FOR XD'S SAKE, HOW DENSE COULD HE BE!?'

"Look, i'm really just not interested... Can you just, like, leave me alone..?" He asked quietly, inching away from the brunette. Wilbur went to speak again, reaching his arm out to try and pull the demonic panda hybrid back towards him, but Quackity stepped in between the pair. "Wilbur, I thought that I told you to stay off of my land..." He interrupted.

"This isn't your land, Q, this is actually just empty open space owned by nobody..." Wilbur laughed, glad that Quackity had finally shown up since he knew that he was running out of time, Sapnap would've either walked away or set him aflame and neither of those options were preferable. "Well, that doesn't mean that you can harass my fiance, Wil... That's just common human manners." The duck hybrid retorted.

"I wasn't harassing him, we were just talking... Having fun, you know? I'm allowed to befriend your fiances, Quackity, you don't need to be so controlling...," Wilbur replied slowly, scarily convincing, but Quackity refused to start doubting himself just yet. "He'll even tell you, it's all just a joke..."

"Ummm...," Sapnap mumbled, glancing between them worriedly, he didn't want to be brutally honest because he didn't want them to end up in a fight... Quackity already seemed pissed off and learning that his literal number one rival was hitting on his fiance was sure to set him off. "Yeah... Just a joke... I'm fine."

"See? We're all good." Wilbur grinned, starting to go on about some other topic, probably Las Nevadas, but Sapnap just drowned it all out with his thoughts... The sound was nothing more than just a quiet buzzing hammering his ears... And quickly grew bored of it. He turned to face Quackity again, seeing that the man was reluctantly talking to Wilbur, and rested his head on his shoulder.

Quackity didn't seem to notice so Sapnap scootched a bit closer, leaning on the duck hybrid and wrapping his arms over his shoulders as he tucked his head into the crook of Quackity's neck. "Babe, i'm kind of tired..." He said quietly, stifling a yawn, and shaking his head softly to ruffle his ebony hair. Quackity smiled slightly as he hooked one of his arms around Sapnap's waist. "We can go back home if you want, babe, Las Nevadas isn't far from here..." Sap nodded, making sure that his horns didn't scratch Quackity, before he was spun around and they began to walk off.

As they left, Sapnap turned his head back over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out at Wilbur, moving one of his arms over to flip him off before laughing silently and continuing to walk.

My boyfriend, you dumbass zombie-thing, back off...