old cringe sapnap oneshots

❤️💚Just kid-ding✨

CW: Smoking, mentions of abuse, mentions of alcohol

A/N I don't know how the fuck he got a kid, were they adopted? Is it a minor A/B/O male omega AU? Are they just some random child that he found and took in? Maybe the second option would be the most plausible... but, also, the first one also makes the most normal sense- just roll with it, okay, man? (human[koi hybrid]!Mars content>>Anything else)

"Listen, Sap, it's okay! It'll all be okay!"

"No! No, it won't, everything is going wrong" He snapped "What am I supposed to tell the kid when they finally start askin'? 'Oh, Daddy and Papa don't love eachother anymore so now they're fucking gone, forever, and you'll never see them again! BECAUSE, even if they DO come to visit, i'm not gonna fucking let them into my goddamn house, Punz, is that what I should tell them!?"

"NO! Obviously not!" Punz yelled back as he threw his hands up into the air, pacing the area in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room "But you're going to be fine, we're going to get through this together... all you have to do is look after Mars, okay? It's one child, you'll be great, you're a good parent"

Sapnap groaned and rolled his eyes, bringing the cigarette back up to his lips and taking a deep drag "I know literally next to nothing about looking after a kid, bro! Dad was never around... and even when he was, he was just an abusive asshole, some of those bruises were fucking permanent and i've still got em'!" He cried "Then Mom was just always drunk and never did shit about her fucking dump of a husband, they both cheated on eachother, they slept in seperate rooms because they hated eachother, and neither of them wanted kids after you so I was just their fucking mistake"

Punz stopped his pacing and turned to look at the boy, face shifting into an expression of pity "Look... I can help you raise the kid, I practically raised YOU and just look at yourself, you turned out fine!

The ravenette snorted in disgust, exhaling a large cloud of sickly grey smoke "Yeah, right, I turned out 'fine' Punz... i'm sat here trying to smoke away my fucking problems, i'm now a single parent at fuckin' nineteen soon twenty, and i'm scared to fucking death that this kid is gonna grow up to turn out like me... if they even GET to grow up... all because you let me marry two complete assholes, yeah, what a great brother you were"

"It is NOT my job to monitor your dating life" Punz replied

"Well, then why did you do that for almost everyone except for... them?" Sapnap seethed

"Because THEY were SO obviously NOT good people, Sap! We were actually friends with Karl and Quackity so of course I thought that they were better!" He said before pausing to take a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself so that his yelling didn't wake up Mars "Listen, bro, we're gonna get through this, alright? You're gonna do great and Mars is going to be just as great when they grow up"

"Y-ya' really think so?" Sapnap asked anxiously, fiddling with his fingers whilst tapping the end of his cigarette on the edge of the ashtray, Punz just nodded encouragingly as he smiled "Look, i'll take the day off of work tomorrow so that you can work instead, okay? You don't need to pay for a babysitter or a daycare, i'll watch Mars for you"

Sapnap sighed in relief "Really? You'd do that for me? Thanks, man, it really helps a lot for you to do that... I need every extra day that I can get before they decide on whether or not maternity leave is something that they can afford to pay"

"It's really no problem, dude" Punz grinned "I'm glad to help you, anything for my favourite baby brother!"

"Dude... i'm your only brother"

"I know, I know... just kidding, i'm messing around with you"

*--*

Sapnap looked down at the little bundle of joy in his arms, softly smiling as he reached a hand down and let the smaller being grab onto one of his fingers "Hey, Marsy... aren't you just the cutest?" Mars giggled happily, letting out a quiet yawn before looking up at him expectantly. He sighed before standing up, cupping the kid in his arms and cradling them as if they were as fragile as glass "Yeah, I know, you're hungry- I don't know if there's anything in this goddamn house anyways" Sapnap groaned, shifting Mars so that he could hold them in one hand while using the other to dig through the cupboards