Tequila & Birdcages

Less is more? |w.v & b.d.h|

Billie falls on her back, the mattress bouncing and creaking softly. She pants as she tiredly removes the strap, tossing it on the nightstand carelessly. She glances over and pulls Wilhemina closer, their sweaty bodies colliding. The redhead takes advantage of this closeness, laying her head against the medium's chest.

"How are you feeling, darling?"

Billie's voice is raspy, having just caught her breath.

"Good"

Wilhemina isn't telling the entire truth, but she's gotten so good at lying that Billie doesn't question it. Of course the blonde feels like something is off but she thinks it's not right to pry. Winnie is just in her head, thinking about the relationship between them — or lack thereof. They've been casually sleeping with each other for a few months now and the sex is phenomenal, neither of them can deny that.

However, Billie goes away filming very often since her new season just started. She likes to get all the episodes done first, instead of doing them just a few days before they air. It pays off at the end when she does interviews because she's way less exhausted. Yet, for Wilhemina, those weeks she's away are anything but pleasant. The medium explained to her, when they first met, that her job was demanding and she couldn't really commit to a person.

Truthfully, Billie just didn't want to hurt anyone. She desperately craved a partner in life but in her mind, her work would always interfere with her ability to form meaningful connections and actually nurture them. At first the redhead was okay with it but then she started developing feelings for Billie. The issue with that was the blonde's words when they first met, they just kept playing on repeat in Wilhemina's head.

Which didn't help her jealously at all. When she finds herself attached to someone, she becomes extremely protective. Not having the security of a real relationship with the medium led her to lots of dark thoughts when she was away. Logically, the redhead knows if she slept with anyone else it wouldn't be considered cheating because they're not together — not exclusively anyway.

To make matters worse, Billie is the sweetest person she's ever met. Whenever she's in town she buys her all sorts of gifts, makes breakfast in the morning, always fixing her coffee to perfection. Everything Billie did was perfect, she rarely ever made a mistake and if she did then there was always something better to make up for it. In short, the medium is the perfect partner and yet Wilhemina knows she can't have her in that sense.

She tries to tell herself that it's ridiculous for her to even dream of these things. All it leads to is a continuous cycle of self-pity, but part of her loves the torture of it. She likes daydreaming of Billie coming in her office with flowers, kissing her on the cheek. Even just the simple things like taking her out to dinner and referring to her as 'my girlfriend'. The high it gives her almost makes up for the crash back down to reality.

"Sweetie?"

It's when Billie calls her that she realizes she's shed a few tears. She wipes them and returns her head back to the medium's chest. However, Billie isn't going to let it go that easily.

"Are you hurting?"

The redhead doesn't know how to answer that question. Physically she is not but mentally... the pain is excruciating. She chooses to just shake her head, not knowing what else to do. Not wanting to expose her silly thoughts.

"Are you sad?"

Wilhemina feels a pulse go through her body, one that makes her ears ring. A wave that almost causes her to flinch from the intensity. Her lips part and she's so tempted to just tell the blonde everything but her mouth won't produce the words. She can never lie to Billie for too long, though, so she chooses the option of saying nothing at all. This is all the answer Billie needs.