^

280 16 8
                                        

once again, not reread, but here's the part 2. Also, I listened to one and only by Adele as I wrote both of these so if you want the vibe there ya go

I'm awoken from my slumber by strange repetitive noises that I only realize is knocking once it gets louder and more aggressive. I can hear a muffled voice calling out but I can't hear anything they're saying and I think, this must be a dream. So I turn over, pulling the covers up to my chin and rubbing my feet together like a cricket. The knocking only persists though, seemingly growing frantic and I sigh as I get up. Even if this is a dream, I really can't take the noise.

I head to the door slowly, yelling out that I'm coming, and muttering expletives under my breath. I open the door and my jaw almost drops at the sight of the woman on the other side. "Billie?" I tilt my head to the side as I inspect her, tears running down her face and makeup smeared. "C-can I come in?" I nod without hesitation, yet I simultaneously want to hit myself over the head for agreeing. I close the door behind her and watch as she cautiously takes a seat on the couch.

I sit a little ways away from her and wait for her to speak, feeling that she must have something important to say after showing up to my place unannounced. After a while, I realize she's not going to say anything so I come up with something random to say. "Drink?" I offer and she nods, "Wine, water, juice..." she accepts the water and I go to grab it. I bring it back and hand it to her, our fingers brush together and make me shiver. This feels even more like a dream than before, this can't be real.

She begins to ramble about her girlfriend and that's when it begins to feel real. Of course she would show up just to talk about her and something she did to make her cry. I can hardly pay attention to what she's saying because I'm so tired. Not just physically tired either, but mentally tired of this back and forth. "Billie, stop. Please." She turns to me, a look of confusion on her face, and I sigh as I gently place my hand on hers. "You can't keep doing this" I tell her, and her confusion only seems to grow.

"Having issues with your girlfriend and coming to me about it. You need to talk to her, simple as that. I can't keep bearing the burden of it and then seeing you being happy dandy with her afterwards as if nothing happened. I understand this isn't about me but when you involve me and get me emotionally invested... it becomes my problem to deal with as well. You may be able to let go of it but I love you too much to do that." After my mini speech I give her time to process it and she just stares at me.

After minutes of silence, I see tears come to her eyes and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. She simply nods, mumbling an agreement, and she stands up. I watch helplessly as she brushes out the invisible wrinkles in her skirt and takes a deep breath. She wipes her tears and says goodbye before practically slamming the door behind her. My eyes fly open and I gasp, tears pricking my eyes at the realization. There's knocking at the door and I jump up, throwing the covers off me.

I run over and look through the peephole, seeing exactly who I expected to be there. I open the door and usher her in, closing and locking it behind her. I grab her a water and gesture for her to sit down before handing it to her. I let the silence linger, encouraging her to be the one that fills it. "Madeline and I broke up... again" she starts off with and I sigh deeply, my body slouching as sadness fills my veins. I hoped it would be different from the dream but as she tells me what happened, I realize she really doesn't care.

"Billie I really-" "wait, before you... say anything. That's not the reason I came—well it is but not entirely" she clarifies and I tilt my head in confusion. "I... well the break up made me realize a lot of things. I've been thinking about you a lot recently and... more specifically how I've treated you during our friendship" she pauses and I lean back into the couch, willing myself not to tremble in anticipation. However, I can't stop the thoughts that race through my head like a train with no tracks. She's been thinking about me?

"I've treated you horribly to say the least and... I'm ashamed because it's not a reflection of how I truly feel about us—our friendship I mean." She takes a deep breath and I cross my arms but in a way that looks more like I'm hugging myself than closed off. "I... I love you so much that it hurts and I just didn't know how to cope with it. When you told me that you weren't ready I just... well, I tried to get over you by... being under someone else and that wasn't right. I should've taken the time to heal properly but truthfully, I didn't want to" I sit up straighter upon hearing this, shock resonating in my bones.

"Sure, it hurt to know you didn't want me but the pain was proof of my love. I couldn't just let that go. I didn't want to stop loving you and that meant that nothing I had with anyone else was actually genuine. You were always in the back of my head and that's why I would push you away so much. I wanted it to work and at the same time I was the one in my own way. I knew that talking to you while being with someone else would only hurt and at the core it would be unfaithful because of my feelings for you" I blink rapidly, trying to process everything she's telling me and I stop her.

"Wait you... you're saying that you-" "I love you. I'm in love with you... as desperate and stupid as that may seem" she chuckles humorlessly and I see a tear fall down her cheek. "I buried it away as much as I could because I figured I should respect your boundaries but... I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to pretend that I don't have feelings for you or like this is all some big joke because... we're not just friends and I hope you feel that too. When we playfully flirt it... it feels real to me, darling" darling.

It's been so long since she's called me that, I can't even remember the last time and it still has the same effect as the first time she ever used it. Sure, maybe it's a basic term of endearment to others but hearing Billie say it... you feel like the most special girl in world. I hear her take a shaky breath and it brings me back into reality. "Please tell me I haven't completely screwed things up... please. I... I don't want to lose you..." more tears fall on her precious cheeks and I instinctively reach forward to wipe them.

"Shhh it's ok, Billie" her lip trembles and I pout upon hearing her sniffle, I can't help but to take her in my arms. "I c-couldn't clearly see it until now but I- I need you." She pulls back and takes a deep breath, looking me directly in the eyes. "I want to be with you more than anything I've ever had in my life. I'd give up everything for you, I'll do anything to regain your trust, baby doll... just... please let me try, I promise I can be better" I stare back at her, tears stinging my own eyes.

I desperately want to believe her but I just don't know if I can. I trust that she's being sincere, that she wouldn't just say these things on a whim. Still, there's that inkling of doubt that won't cease. Eventually I just pull her into another hug and hold her tight as we both struggle not to cry. "It's going to take some time but... I never stopped loving you, Billie and I never will." Those are the only words that need to be said. She suggests we watch a movie and I grab a blanket and snacks.

We cuddle for the duration, just like we would do before when she would come over, and I smile contently with my head on her shoulder. She whispers an "I love you" and I reciprocate it, neither of us following up with anything but silence. Our love lingers in the air and I bite my lip to keep from grinning as I snuggle closer to her. Her arms tighten around me and I close my eyes, forgetting the movie in light of her scent and the sound of her heartbeat and breathing.

Tequila & BirdcagesWhere stories live. Discover now