Tequila & Birdcages

Character Pairings

It is a little past 3am so... disclaimer (I have finished and it is now past 4am... literally wtf)

Xandra Terrell and Mildred Ratched
• a very unsuspecting pair but Xandra's outgoing nature would bring out a more extroverted Millie yk?

Amanda and Sally McKenna
• again unexpected (at least to me) but Amanda seems very physically affectionate as well as prone to remember tiny details and that's exactly the type of attention Sally needs

Wilhelmina Venable & Anne Gillette
• think... Joker and Harley Quinn yk? They're both calculating, willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want. But at some point (when they've gotten all there is to get) they will find comfort in each other and maybe change their ways for an easier and happier life? Turning a new leaf and realizing happiness does not in fact stem from money — that's not all there is to life.

Tammy & Audrey Tindall
• perhaps Audrey was the one to help on a heist or maybe they were introduced through Daphne but I can see these two hitting it off somehow whether it be by way of working in 'male dominated' industries or simply because Audrey's sense of morality is... skewed at times.

Vikki Hiller & Lana Winters
• they're both writers (sort of) so of course I had to put them together, no further reasoning really. Vikki is kind of like Lana before she... well, you know, and I think she would add much needed 'spice' to Lana's life. Vikki would give her that spark back that she once had while also being understanding of her reasonable hesitation or apprehension with certain things.

Abby Gerhard & Jessica (bird box)
• I can't really explain this but I guess it stems from the whole redhead thing Abby mentioned and for some reason the scene of her sitting in the diner that morning with Therese came to mind and that outfit she wore reminded me a bit of like those fancy outfits girls where when they ride horses/play polo and Jessica mentioned horses or a farm (I think) so... that's my justification.

Billie (Eilish) Howard & Ally Mayfair
• Billie is great with public appearances and Ally would need that in a partner since she's the senator and basically her livelihood balances on how she comes off to the public not to mention her and Billie would be such a power couple like just imagine them on each other's arms (with me beside them ;) and how they would dominate the entertainment industry as well as coming up with so many cool ideas since they both seem rather open-minded/innovative.

a/n: I promised myself when starting this that I wouldn't pair ahs characters together and here I am but wtv let's continue

Cordelia Goode & Karen
• just randomly came to me cause I also kinda feel like Delia and Sally would be great. Mostly because Cordelia is the type to never give up on someone/something (unless they're stubborn and of the male variety) so I could see her wanting to help Karen and falling in love with the fact she speaks her mind so freely, wanting to maybe learn a thing or two from her. Karen would just be in awe of the witch and want to soak up every moment which would translate to Cordelia as her being so present which she would loveee.

a/n: I did it again... didn't I? Oh well

Ellie Staple & Ellen Dolan (the spirit)
• I only realized afterwards that their names are so similar but no matter. They're both doctors which means they could really understand each other's schedules and extend empathy and compassion while also holding each other accountable in a respectful way to set aside time to nurture their connection. Ellen also appears more dominant as a whole whereas Ellie seems as though she would like someone to take the reins/take control (at least every now and again). Being with someone as confident and assured as Ellen would also give her such a contrast and relief from dealing with uhh mental patients all day lmao

Leanne Bossert & Janice McCarthy
(^a long way home, ^cracker)
• ok so truthfully I only felt right putting these two together because to me they both seem so young/innocent that putting them with anyone else would feel weird. However, now that I think about it, they are pretty good for each other I mean if Janice didn't quite literally kill people she's probably just be very adventurous and really... who isn't crazy for love yk? Leanne, considering she traveled across the country with a man old enough to be her grandpa simply because he was nice, she would love the thrill Janice has and Janice would just be happy to follow her anywhere.

Diane Baronway & Heather Hayes
• yes I am in fact using her legal government name because it is much prettier imo but anywho... she would stalk the absolute shit out of Heather oop... I meant Harriet but I'm not changing it (I'm lazy ok? You know who I mean) anyways yeah she would stalk her but then finally approach and Harriet would be hesitant bc, well, it's Harriet but she wouldn't be able to resist Diane's natural charm and they would fall in love and live happier ever after

a/n: can you tell I'm ready to be done with this crackhead ass idea? 😀🫠

Heather Tate & Kate Haber
• Heather is gay and she's proud (and a writer... I think?), Kate is a master at pr simple as that. Kate was clearly looking for some excitement in life/power over her situation and Heather is literally just in love with being in love. Kate is also very persuasive and despite Heather's family (well, her parents) being... unsupportive (to say the least) Kate could win them over and swoon then with easy I mean have you seen that SMILEEEE?! not to mention Heather's parents seem like the uppity type that would be quite interested in politics and Heather is veryyy different from them so maybe they would appreciate Kate's interest in things like that and be pleasantly surprised as they find themselves relating to/resonating with things she says and that could even help them bridge the gap between them and their daughter.

a/n: I am beginning to get distracted (curse you duolingo notifications *shakes fist in the air*) but I'm determined to finish this is one go so I'm kicking into gear damn it

Bette/Dot Tattler & Toni (appropriate)
• don't ask, I don't know. I'm just going to figure this out as I go berate I wanted to use Mistress Epps but something about saying 'yk if she wasn't racist...' does not sit right with me 😭 so uhh well Toni has been through A LOT and truthfully I think she would be nervous about the twins upon first meeting them but then Dot would simply give her a look or open her mouth to say something snarky like 'take a picture it'll last longer' and maybe they'd bicker or something and Better would apologize and Dot would scold her Toni would find it hilarious bc she would see a lot of herself in Dot (especially her fingers if yk what I mean 😏🤭) and they'd become friends. Toni would fight her attraction to them but ultimately lose that battle and crumble when Dot starts showing more affection towards her.

Merrill Young & Mary (held up)
• they both have that 'innocence' to them but the look in their eyes is like... *screams* so I think they would be perfect. Merrill would show/say all sorts of things to Mary and eventually she would become less bashful and Merrill would begin to see how their relationship could develop even further. Basically there would be a crap load of tension between them at all times because Mary would sometimes do things she didn't even realize could turn Merrill on and Merrill would just be feral (hehe... feral Merrill hehe)

Side note: In hindsight I might've paired Jessica and Tammy together bc both of their characters are kinda vague but I digress

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I'm not rereading this because I think I'd actually never post it if I did but I am most definitely going to look back at this later and revise it I just do not care enough rn 💀

Anyways I hope you enjoy and if you actually like this... (are you ok like... mentally and emotionally?) you can lmk if you'd like more

Next up: characters as siblings?

Summary:
Xandra & Mildred, Amanda & Sally
Wilhemina & Anne, Tammy & Audrey
Vikki & Lana, Abby & Jessica
Billie & Ally, Cordelia & Karen
Ellie & Ellen, Leanne & Janice
Diane & Heather (Hayes)
Heather (Tate) & Kate
Bette/Dot & Toni, Merrill & Mary