(LITERALLY RANDOM INCORRECT QUOTES)
ProfRed: It's not that I don't trust Pheonix, I just... don't 't trust their impulse control.
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ProfRed: Don't mansplain this to me!
Pheonix: Wh- I'm a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!
ProfRed: ...Well, I'm a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!
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ProfRed: Why are you on fire?
Pheonix: This is just how my day is going.
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*Pheonix is crying after a breakup*
ProfRed: There there, Pheonix.
Pheonix, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?
ProfRed: Great question—
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ProfRed: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.
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ProfRed: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking.
Pheonix: Huh?
ProfRed: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid just to piss me off. So cut it out-
Pheonix: I love you.
ProfRed:
Pheonix:
Pheonix: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup.
ProfRed: I KNEW IT!!
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Pheonix: Did you miss me while I was gone?
ProfRed: You were gone?
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ProfRed: I don't think the therapist is supposed to say 'wow' that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.
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ProfRed: Anything else?
Pheonix: Yeah. Stay away from me!
ProfRed: Alright. See you in the room we share.
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Pheonix: Is this gaslighting? Am I being gaslit?
ProfRed: If I were gaslighting you, you'd never know it.
Pheonix: Is THAT gaslighting?
ProfRed: Shut up.
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Pheonix: What do we say when life disappoints us?
ProfRed: Called it!
Pheonix: No.
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ProfRed: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.
Pheonix: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.
ProfRed: I said within reason, Pheonix. How about I murder that guy?
Pheonix: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?
ProfRed: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?
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ProfRed: My crush isn't picking up on my hints.
Pheonix: What hints have you given them?
ProfRed: Well, I think about them a lot.
ProfRed: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.
Pheonix:
Pheonix: Bro-
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ProfRed: Pheonix, you love me, right?
Pheonix: Normally I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like.
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ProfRed: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don't don't like them. That's not true... My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!
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ProfRed: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.
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ProfRed: Talk dirty to me, baby~
Pheonix: The dishes.
ProfRed: Wh-
Pheonix: They've been there for 4 days and it's your turn to wash them. You still haven't cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.
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Pheonix: How much did you spend on this date?
ProfRed: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.
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ProfRed: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Pheonix: Wow. They sound stupid.
ProfRed: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
Pheonix: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you!"
ProfRed: I guess you're right. Hey Pheonix, I love you.
Pheonix: See! Just say that!
ProfRed: Holy fucking shit.
Pheonix: If that flies over their head then, sorry ProfRed, but they're too dumb for you.
ProfRed: Pheonix.
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ProfRed: Pros and cons of dating me.
ProfRed: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
ProfRed: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-
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Pheonix: Are you ready to commit?
ProfRed: Like, a crime or a relationship?
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