How Could This Be Real?

100. It Can't Be

The next week was really difficult for both of us, but especially for David. I could tell that he was trying to be strong and happy for me and whenever we talked he didn't seem that bad, but his friends have been telling me just how hard this is on him. They said that he's constantly calling them, asking for advice and almost always in tears. Ash and Stampy are saying that he's been having to do multiple takes for his videos because he can't keep his energy up or his mind goes somewhere else or sometimes he just breaks down and starts crying. I can see how much pain he's in, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, but I completely understand how he's feeling right now. I feel the exact same way. My whole body is always aching and sometimes it can be a task just to get out of bed in the morning, although that could just be from the lack of sleep... I don't dare to ever let my pain or tiredness show, though. If he saw me like that, it would make him feel a hundred times worse, if that was even possible. So I always make sure to have a smile on my face and to act like nothing is wrong; like he's not thousands of miles away and I'm not falling into depression because of our separation. I'd hoped that with time it would get better because we would be getting used to it but instead, each day just makes it worse... but I'm hoping that today will change that.

"Hey you," I said in a chipper tone once his face popped up. "You doing alright?"

He forced a smile and nodded, "Mhmm, I'm good." He was sitting on the bed in the guest room, as per usual. That's where he hung out most of the time now. I think the only time he left that room was to record, grab something out of the kitchen, or use the toilet. He still hadn't dared to go in his bedroom, but there wasn't really a reason to.

Lilly was laying on his lap, curled up and sound asleep as he gently stroked her back. I watched his hand go back and forth over her fur, just wishing that it was my hair under his skin instead. I pushed that thought away and asked, "Have you gotten anything... interesting in the mail recently?"

He shrugged, "I dunno, I haven't checked it since I got home."

"What? Why not?"

"I barely ever go outside and when I do it's just to go to the store. I guess it hadn't really crossed my mind."

"Well you should go get it! Your mailbox must be overflowing by now."

He quirked an eyebrow, "And since when are you concerned with my mailbox?"

I waved him off, "Just go get it."

"Fine, but you're coming with me."

"Mmm, no."

"Um, yes."

I smirked, "Nope," and exited the call. I wanted him to discover what was there by himself. I knew he would call me back to open it though and sure enough, a few minutes later his invitation popped up on my screen. "So, anything interesting?" I teased although I could already see the cardboard box sitting next to him on the bed.

"What is this?" he asked, gesturing to it.

"Well you have to open it and find out!"

He shook his head, "Angel, why did you send me something?"

"Open it!" I groaned, ignoring his question.

He sighed and started pulling off the packing tape, the distinct ripping sound making me giddy for when he would see what it was. He finally took out the top layer of tissue paper and peered into the box, his eyes softening when he saw it. His hands reached inside and gingerly pulled out the teddy bear, setting it on his legs.

"Oh, Angel," he breathed, "I love it."

I smiled and looked over the bear that had been in my care for a week before I'd shipped it off to him. It was a fuzzy white Build-A-Bear that was wearing an angel costume with wings, a halo, and all. "Isn't it cute?" I said with a little chuckle. "I just thought that maybe if you had something physical to remind you of me, it might help you feel a bit better."