100 Ways To Get Hurt

61.

You: *wakes up to the smell of food on thanksgiving morning*

Mom: "ARE YOU UP YET?"

You: *pretends to be asleep*

Phone: "You know, at some point you're gonna have to get up and help her in the kitchen"

You: "shhh, I don't wanna do work"

Phone: *your cousins text you to ask if the food is ready yet*

You: "I'm not getting up today" *doesn't text back*

Phone: "You have to, it's thanksgiving"

You: *goes on Instagram*

Phone: "I got beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, lam, ham, chicken, turk-...."

You: "ayyyeee"

*the food is ready*

Mom: "aren't you going to come and eat?"

You: *gets up* "well, time to be a savage"

Aunt: "I heard your grades have been dropping"

You: "I heard that your paycheckhas been dropping" 🕶

Cousin: "You didn't tell me that you're not single"

You: "You didn't tell me that you're not a virgin" 🔥

All your cousins: *goes and play*

That one auntie: "I gotta go to work, come on we have to go"

Mom: "take some food with you"

That one cousin: "sorry I gotta go"

*a moment of silence*

The adults: *talk crap about each other*

Kids: *so dumb crap and get in trouble*

You: *also does dumb crap*

*after everyone leaves*

You: *passes by the dishes like you didn't see them*

Mom: "Hey can you wash the dishes for me"

You: *goes to younger sibling* "if you wash the dishes ima give you 20$"

Sibling: "alright" *washes the dishes*

You: *has no money*

Sibling: "alright I'm done, where's my 20$ at?"

You: "what 20$?"

Sibling: "the 20$ you said you're going to give to me"

You: "I don't know what you're talking about, I have no money"

Sibling: "MOMMMM"

You: *acts asleep*