You watched in silence as the small image of Supergirl sank to her knees in the middle of the street and screamed loudly on the tv. The cameras didn't pick it up, but you knew what it would sound like. You've heard it before. You still hear it ringing in your ears in your dreams.
You turned it off. You can't keep seeing her everywhere otherwise you'll want to actually see her again.
And you couldn't do that. Not when you were still broken and your arm was still broken and your heart was still fucking broken.
You knew RedK made her say those things, but she had thought of them before. And that hurt too much to handle. Because old wounds like your dead parents and the place where you go every month for a few days, which was a no questions asked thing between Kara and you, should be respected and not sneered at and used against you.
But she had done just that, pointing out about how 'pathetic' and 'worthless' you are.
And the worst part was when she said it was difficult to love you. Because that was one of your deepest fears that clawed at your heart. And she had reached down and grabbed it so you could stare it in the face and see it in all it's ugly glory.
She had laughed when your gaze hardened and you told her to leave. She had laughed when you said it isn't time for games. She had laughed when she patted your arm too hard on her way out and broke one of your bones.
It was a humourless, evil laugh, and it was the worst sound in the world.
So you left after that. You didn't want to hear the 20 unread messages from Kara or the 10 from Alex. You could guess what they were going to say and you just didn't want to hear it. You stayed in the cabin, the one you stayed in every month for a few nights to remember your parents by, and didn't interact with anyone outside of work.
You pushed the want to see Kara out by reminding yourself of what she said. You couldn't be loved. You wouldn't be loved. Not by her. She had said it herself.
It was 2 weeks later when you got the call. You had been avoiding news channels but you couldn't get away from the news itself. Supergirl had gone MIA and no one knew what had happened.
You looked at the number and the familiar ringtone reached your ear. Alex. You didn't pick up the first time she rang. It took to the fifth for you to answer.
'Alex.' You said, hearing your own defeat in your voice.
'(Y/n)...' She trailed off.
'What happened to her?' You closed your eyes and sighed at how open and vulnerable you were making yourself.
'She- she can't live with herself. She's completely closed off and doesn't talk to anyone, doesn't save anyone. The last time I saw her was a week ago and she was punching bricks in the training room. She hasn't come out of her apartment since.' Alex sounded more defeated than you. She sounded desperate.
'Alex... I can't.' You whispered.
'You can and you will. Because I need my sister back. And you need your girlfriend back. No matter what she said to you, she loves you. And you know that.'
'Kara has had such a difficult life. I wouldn't want her loving me to add to that.' You snapped.
'Oh (y/n). She didn't mean that.'
'You and I both know she did. Goodbye Alex.' You hung up and breathed out, letting a few tears fall.
It was another 2 weeks and 3am when you got the next call.
Groggy and uncoordinated, you picked up.
'(y/n) please. Please help Kara. She needs you. Please.' Alex's slurred, but clearly wet voice came through.
'Alex I can't.'
'You can! You can but you won't. Please. I'm begging you. You need to come and save her.' She basically shouted down the line.
'I-'
'No. Come. Please. She needs you more now than she needed anything ever.'
You stared at your ceiling and thought. You thought for so long you forgot you were on the phone and was surprised that when you looked back, Alex was still there.
'I'm coming.' You said.
She hung up sometime later, when you had gotten into your car and punched in Kara's address.
When you got up to Kara's door, you knocked and stood waiting for a few minutes before remembering what Alex said. Completely closed off.
You found the key she had given you deep in your purse and carefully opened the door then stepped in.
The whole apartment was pitch black.
'I told you not to come here Alex.' Kara shouted somewhere in the darkness.
'It's not Alex.' You said back, your throat already tight.
There was a wizzing sound and then light flooded your eyes and then Kara was right in front of you.
Her eyes were crazed and her hair was a complete mess.
She reached up to your cheek and you flinched back, not quite ready for contact again. Your arm had just finished healing.
Realisation flooded her face and she stepped back, a look of horror in her eyes.
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh Rao I'm so so so sorry.' She repeated, closing in on herself.
'Hey wait Kara stay with me here okay?' You could see her frightened and insane look. You had been there before.
'Okay. Okay.' She screwed her eyes shut and when they opened, they were clearer than before.
'Kar...'
'I'm sorry.' She had tears already streaming down her face.
You walked up to her and grabbed her face softly. You looked into those beautiful eyes and kept looking. Waiting. And you saw no hatred. Only guilt and sadness and longing.
'Let's sit down.' You whispered and she nodded.
You talked through it all for hours, she opened up about how she struggled with loving people after she lost so many and you opened up about how you struggled to let people love you as you've lost everyone who has. You were both broken, but together you were less so. You told her about the cabin and how important those days of the month are to you. You talked about your parents death. She talked about red Kryptonite and how weak it made her feel. In the end, there were the pieces of yours and Kara's sadness on both of your shoulders, mixing together and lessening the blow for both of you.
You slowly got back to where you were in your relationship. The first 'I love you's' were hard and you both cried after it. The first time you had sex again was emotional and touching. The first time you brought Kara to the cabin in the woods, you watched in wonder as Kara spoke to the stars as you had done multiple times before. The first time Supergirl reappeared, you stood waiting for Kara to come back to you and hug you so fiercely it stole your breath.
The first time you went back to the DEO after two months, J'onn hugged you.
'Thank you for saving Supergirl.' He whispered in your ear.
You were going to correct him, tell him she saved you, but it was true.
You saved each other, and loved each other even more because of it.
