Complications Throughout Generations

Chapter 18

Levi's POV:

The nights were cold. I was alone. Back to where I once was where I always want to make sure the people around me are okay but they don't think to ask me how I'm feeling in return. Eren once said to me, "just because you're humanity's physically strongest soldier doesn't mean you have to be humanity's emotionally strongest soldier too." He made me believe I was okay. I was stupid and careless. I didn't trust him with the fate of the world, yet I trusted him with my heart.

Some days are easier than others. I masked it well though. The only one who knows how I really feel is Hange. At this point, I'd consider her to be my closest friend. Technically my only friend. I never went to Mikasa or Armin after he had left. But I did pay extra attention to them to make sure they were okay like Eren had asked. But Armin being the Colossal Titan and Mikasa also having Ackerman blood, I knew they'd be just fine. Physically at least.

A week turned into a month, a month turned into a year, a year turned into 2 years, and now 4.

Eren has been gone for 4 years.

You'd think I'd get over him and move on from him and his absence. But of course, my love for him has only grown. But so has my hatred. I still haven't decided whether I want to kiss him or kick him in the fucking gut when I finally find him. I refuse to lose anyone ever again. I've already lost Isabel, Furlan, and Erwin. I can't lose Eren too. Not more than I have already. I refuse.

He's probably changed. Physically I mean. I couldn't imagine him with anything other than that messy mop of brown hair. But I'm sure he grew taller. There was only a small height difference between us a few years back but I wouldn't be surprised if he was at least 6 feet now. He's technically an adult now too. 19 years old. But one thing that I didn't doubt was that he was probably just as beautiful as the last time I had seen him.

"You having a moment again?" Hange sat next to me with a bowl in each hand. "Eat." She passed it to me and I grabbed it reluctantly. I was in no mood for food. I just wasn't hungry. But now that Hange's watching me, I'll do it for her. I've gotten thinner but it wasn't noticeable to anyone other than myself. The sickness I would feel on some days was too much to bear. Sometimes I genuinely believed I was on the verge of vomiting but I refused due to the fact that I really wouldn't want to clean it up. At all. But not eating as much solves that issue. It's a cycle that runs through my brain. It's fine. I'm fine. "You know I talked to Mikasa earlier."

"About?" I took a spoonful of whatever Hange made up to my lips. Shitty glasses always puts too much salt. She gave me the 'oh please, Levi' look. "I see." I stared into the bowl, trying to build up the courage to eat more. "What was said?"

"She told me something you're not gonna like." She was hesitant.

"Tell me." My mind rushed to a thousand things.

She sighed. "Mikasa was the last person Eren saw before he left."

"Okay?"

"He kissed her, Levi." I spilled what was inside the bowl on my thighs with my eyes as wide as they could go.

"Why?" I whispered.

Mikasa and Eren's relationship didn't phase me too much. I figured it was the same even after Eren had his little personality switch. Was that a part of this? Did he finally fall in love with Mikasa? Did she get a note?

"She...she told him she loved him."

"So he kisses her." I nod, understanding my place in this. He really didn't want me anymore, did he.

"I'm sorry, Levi." She put her arm around my shoulder and rubbed it back and forth. She's the only one I'd let come this close to me. She's been here for me since the beginning. I owe her a lot.

"It's fine." I clear my throat and stand. I stare at my pants in disgust. I can't believe I got them dirty. Me of all people. I scoff at the sight. "But I'm gonna need new pants."

"I'm on it, Captain." She bounced back to her regular self.