Complications Throughout Generations

Chapter 162

Jean's POV:

I think I owe Armin an apology. I probably seemed like such an asshole the other day. I'm really one of the world's biggest idiots since I was so remarkably blind.

I had driven to Armin's house until I got a text from Eren saying he's at Levi's. So that's what I'm now doing. Driving to the Ackerman house. The last time I was there was when Kuchel was alive. That broke everyone. I know it hurt some of us more than Bertolt's death. It all just haunts me. Not just sometimes; everyday. I always thought having my memory back was a blessing and curse. I understood once I had gotten it back why Eren was so against it. But of course, our stupidity was my downfall. If I didn't remember, I wouldn't of taken my breakup with Mikasa so hard. To know that I was desperately in love with her and had finally gotten lucky enough to marry her then on top of that we had a daughter; but it means nothing to her. I can't help but think about how happy we were. She even told me what she said to Eren when his spirit came to visit her years later. She said being with me was 'a paradise she never thought she could have'. To know that and see that she still wanted Eren and then wanted Annie is hard to take in. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for her still but unfortunately I've been forced to give up.

Once I got to Levi's, I walked in and no one was on the couch. So I had assumed Armin was in Hange's room. I thought the first thing I should probably do is text her.

Jean - Can I talk to Armin?

Hange - When?

Jean - Now???

I didn't get a reply for a while so I just sat on the couch. But I heard a door open and I turned around to see Hange.

"You can talk to him." She said softly and walked over to the couch to switch spots with me as I went towards her room. I slowly opened the door which revealed Armin sitting on the bed. He was staring at the ground with tear stained cheeks. My heart hurt at the sight; I did this. I sat next to him and contemplated holding his hand but I know I need to keep physical touch at a minimum.

"I'm sorry." I was quiet.

"It's okay." His voice was nasally from crying.

"No," I shook my head, "it's not."

"It happens."

"Will you stop acting like that?" I turned to him and became frustrated. "This isn't right. I hurt you and ruined our relationship."

"I told you before, we're fine."

"We shouldn't be."

"I'm sorry I don't meet your standards of disappointment. I accepted defeat a long time ago."

I groaned and laid down on the bed but Armin stayed put. "What do you want from me, Jean? To apologize and hear me tell you how much I wanted you to pick me over Marco? Is that what you want?"

"No, are you serious?" I shook my head aggressively.

"I'm being dead serious. I'm sure this is just some ego boost, right? Have me crying over you so you can finally get what you want? People crying over you because you broke their heart? Isn't that how you've always wanted to be perceived? A heartbreaker?"

"No, Armin. I don't want that. This isn't some ego thing. I'm seriously trying to apologize because I feel awful."

"You shouldn't." He mumbled and walked towards the family portrait Kuchel had custom made for Hange. They were all Spider-Man characters. I always thought it was the coolest thing in the world. "You knew what you were doing and you didn't care until you knew the truth."

I wonder if I had known the truth from the beginning, things would be different. I mean, that's why me and Marco were different. He told me how he felt and then that led me to tell him. Truthfully, I never thought Armin would ever have feelings for a person like me when he's the way he is. We're practically the complete opposites.

"I know." I admitted. I'd say knowing the truth could potentially kickstart some feelings but it's probably too late to have any thoughts like that now.

"And for the record, I'm better than Marco...in almost every single way." Now that is where I was getting heated.

"Don't start. Please."

"Tell me how he is then." I stood up and towered over him.

"I lost him once, Armin! You think I'll just let him slip out of my hands again? Look at fucking Eren and Levi. They lost each other once and now they'll never let go ever again. That's what I wanted with him."

"And what about me?" Both of our heads turned to the door.

Mikasa.

"What about you?" I groaned. This bitch always had a tight grip on my heart.

"You only wanted Eren and Marco when you couldn't have me. Then you wanted Armin when you couldn't have me or Marco. Stop trying to play this part where you feel bad, Jean. You don't actually care. You just want this over with." Mikasa walked over to me and sent daggers into my eyes with her own.

I can't do this.

I can't do this at all.

I rushed out of the room and into the closest bathroom to lock the door. I fell to my knees and started to hyperventilate. I pushed my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut wishing I could just disappear.

I never wanted any of this...