Complications Throughout Generations

Chapter 144

Levi's POV:

I wasn't sure how everyone was able to go to school the next day. I know I certainly couldn't. Once the time had come around to get up for school, I immediately just contemplated whether or not I should drop out all together. I don't know when I'll be back in school. Maybe not ever. I'll just sit in my room all day where I don't need to worry about anything. But today I unfortunately had to break that streak of solitude.

My mother's funeral was today. I know everyone was expecting me to speak but I haven't uttered a word in a week. All I've done is cry like a pathetic child and contemplate whether or not I even want to live on this planet anymore. I've had struggles with OCD for a very long time. Then I had developed PTSD with the accident. Other than that, I had never really had darker mental struggles in this lifetime. At least back then, I had the ability to kill Titans which was my stress reliever. Now I don't have any of that. It's just me with my thoughts of hatred, confusion, rage, and sadness. I know Hange's worried about me. I barely sleep, the thought of eating makes me sick, and I haven't spoken. The only person I've come into contact with since that night was Hange. Mikasa won't speak to me. I'm not necessarily sure why when this is Eren's fault. But I know we're all hurting. Mikasa also lost her mother and Hange lost her new mother on her 18th birthday.

Even though it was 4 in the afternoon and extremely cloudy, the light in the sky still hurt my eyes. It had definitely been a while since I had even stepped foot out of my room and now I'm at a funeral. There weren't many people here but it was expected. With my mother being close to her brother before I was born, she had made some enemies. But there were a few relatives that I don't recall ever meeting. It was mostly my friends and their families. With the inevitable and unwelcomed guest. You'd be wrong if you thought I would let it slide.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I mumbled.

"Levi, you know how much she meant to him. Did you really think he wouldn't show up?" Hange said. I didn't care what else she had to say as I marched over to him with a burning fire in my chest.

"You." I grabbed onto his tie and forcefully yanked him down eye level. He looked just as bad as I did. Pale face, alarming dark circles under the eyes, tired. "What the fuck are you doing here, Eren?" I groaned, gripping tightly onto his black tie.

"Levi, please. Can we not do this here?" He whispered, clearly not wanting to make a scene. Well I think showing up is already an attention grabber.

"No, we're doing this now. I don't want you here."

"Levi, that's enough." Mikasa interjected. I loosened my grip on him as he adjusted his collar. She nodded at Eren, "I'll talk to you later, okay?" Then Eren walked away from the both of us.

"Talk to him later? Are you fucking kidding me, Mikasa?" I shouted. She grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me forward to slap her hand over my mouth.

"Never in a million years did I ever think I had to do this to you of all people. Keep your mouth shut and get it together." I licked her hand thinking it would help but it didn't. "You're so calm and collected all the time? Act like it. You're not the only one that's suffering." She unhanded me and left without another glance.

The service had officially begun. The fact that I had lost my mother in my arms had set in the second it happened, there was no delayed shock or late realization. But in this moment now, I'm having a moment that's simply reminding me of this new reality I need to live.

Mikasa was first to walk up and speak in front of everyone.

"Hi, I'm Mikasa Ackerman, Kuchel's daughter." Just to hear my mother's name was an ache to my chest. "You've heard in the past that 'you don't realize what you have until it's gone'. That statement is true and my relationship with my mother is living proof." Her voice seemed to grow shaky as she cleared her throat and covered her mouth with the end of her fist. "My mom always had one goal and that was to make all of her kids happy and feel loved. I knew she loved me but she died probably thinking that I didn't love her." That made about half the attendance begin to cry, including myself and Mikasa. "She tried so hard and I just took advantage of her and acted like nothing she did was good enough. I would do anything to tell my mom right now that she was amazing and that I love her. Kuchel Ackerman was one of the world's greatest people and I'm so lucky to be her daughter." She walked back to her seat, leaving nothing but pain in everyone's hearts. Hange put her arm around me and rubbed my bicep. I nodded, saying it was okay for her to go up to speak.