Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 67

The memories of the times he had spent in there resurfaced in his mind. It was as if the curtain blocking them was pulled away, revealing almost everything he had forgotten and those he never really thought about.

Tears pooled in his eyes as he remembered the countless sleepovers he had with his closest friends. The pranks they played on each other. The nonsense they cooked and how they always destroyed the kitchen with sudden food fights initiated by Jeongin.

He remembered the time Jisung refused to partake in what he called their 'foolishness' and Jeongin being Jeongin, tackled him to the ground and shoved a handful of icecream into his pants. That day, Jisung partook in the 'foolishness' and he was the most brutal of all.

Felix couldn't help but smile when he recalled that it took him days to get some food stuff out of his hair. They used to be so wild. They used to have so much fun.

How did everything change?

The memories made his heart ache for he wished for his friends. He wanted to see them again. He wanted to hang out with them again but it was impossible. They could never return and Jeongin refused to tell him exactly what had happened and he had a feeling that he played a huge part in it.

Then the memories of him and Chan. They were broken. Coming back in bits and pieces. He couldn't clearly make them out as he could see very few but he knew he and Chan spent a lot of time in his room, indulging themselves in the pleasure they gave each other.

He could remember that they were a couple and the swelling feeling in his heart, the kind that made him feel overwhelmed, nervous, and all tingly was present. The feeling was present and Felix knew exactly what it was.

The love he had always felt for Chan.

Felix now understood why Chan felt so familiar. Why he had always felt so attracted to him. Why he had those strange wet dreams. Why their interactions seemed so natural. Why Chan's touch made him feel some kind of way.

They were together in the past.

They were together in the past!

The realisation of the truth fell on him like a huge ton of bricks and his body sagged to the floor, as if it was completely drained of energy. Tears streamed down his face as it dawned on him that everyone around him, every single person, including his mom, had been lying to him from the start. No one ever told him the truth. Which meant that if he wasn't regaining his memories, he never would have known. He would have continued living in ignorant bliss.

Felix now knew that he was never in an accident. Rather, something had happened and that made him lose his memories.

He knew that the Felix in that picture Taehyun showed him was himself. He remembered that he loved dying his hair platinum blonde. It made him look unique and the colour suited him well. Everyone knew Lee Felix with the platinum blonde shiny hair and handsome face. He used to take so much pride and joy in his identity. He felt that apart from being a Lee, it was what made him 'Felix'.

He stretched his hand to his head, fingers lightly brushing the dark brown locks. A feeling of hate surged in his heart. Not for himself and not for the hair.

But for the people who lied to him and made him live a different life.

The people who took his identity away and made him live as someone else. He looked down at his clothes and the hatred intensified.

This wasn't him. It wasn't his style.

He reflected on his memories for the past five years, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists in anger.

That wasn't him. He wasn't that obedient. Nor was he so naive, polite and innocent.

He was Lee Felix. That name meant a lot of things.

Why did they it hide him? Why didn't they tell him anything? Why did they lie to him?

And Chan. Why didn't Chan remind him of everything? Their love, their happy moments, their memories. Why didn't anyone say anything? Why did they move abroad? Why was he living with his cousins? Why did Hyunjin and Changbin take care of him? Why did Chan kill his friends? How did he lose his memories?

He had so many questions running through his mind that he felt his head would burst.

Who could he trust now? What truly happened five years ago? Why were they not living in the mansion anymore? Why did his father leave them? Why did his mum never talk about his dad? Could it be related to what happened five years ago? What was everyone hiding? Why did Chan think he was dead for five years? Why did Jeongin and the rest kill Chan's sister? Who was she anyway? What was her name? Why couldn't he recall everything related to her? He could clearly remember his second and third year. She must have been with them during those years so why couldn't he remember her?

Felix wracked his brain for a long time but he couldn't figure out who she was. Instead, he was rewarded with a splitting headache.

"Fuck!" He shouted into the night, frustrated. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!"

He felt as if he was going crazy. He knelt on cold tarred ground, glaring at the moonless sky, face contorted with pain. Eyes filled with tears. His skin slick with sweat.

He was angry. So angry and he didn't know how to vent. He didn't know what to do. He just wanted to scream and shout but he couldn't even find his voice. The frustration was welling up inside him like a balloon and he felt like he would blow.

Suddenly, he felt a familiar presence behind him. The person crouched down and enveloped his body in a big warm hug.

That was the breaking point. Felix couldn't take it anymore. His body leaned into the embrace and he burst into tears.

"S-So all those times" he cried. "A-All those days w-we spent together, y-y-you knew. Y-You knew all along that I-I- t-that I'm your Felix, didn't you? T-The Felix that you loved so deeply. Y-You knew right? T-That I wasn't d-dead"

"Mm" Chan answered, acknowledging the truth. "I knew"

Though he didn't know how Felix got to know the truth, he was still happy about it. At least he didn't have to lie. He hugged Felix tightly, as if he wanted to merge their bodies together. His happiness knew no bounds. It seemed that heavens were on his side.

"Then why didn't you say anything!" Felix sobbed. "I feel like a big fool. I even insulted you today not knowing that I'm the one you were talking about. I-I I was jealous of myself"

He said the last part in low tone, feeling quite dumb.

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