Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 147⚠️

How would they feel? Especially Chan. The man went berserk when he thought he was dead before. How would he react now? How would everyone feel?

Could he leave them and the new life they had all strived to give him? Could he truly do that to them? After everything?

It was then he realised why no one wanted to tell him about his past. Why everyone kept it from him. Why they were afraid of telling him.

He let out a small smile. They should have had more faith in him though.

He reached out and took the bottle of painkillers then closed the cabinet.

The answer was no.

He couldn't do it. Although he felt like he didn't deserve to live because of what happened to Aera, it didn't mean he could waste his life.

He had tried so many times before but none were successful. Even the night Chan tried to ruin his family, he had tried. He wanted to go for living was too hard. But here he was. Very much alive.

It definitely wasn't his time to go yet.

Besides, he still had some scores to settle.

He downed two pills with some water, took off his clothes and took a quick shower. With Chan's towel around his waist, he walked out and went to the closet, his eyes scanning Chan's clothes.

He huffed. Why were his clothes mostly in dark shades? He made a mental note to get Chan some bright coloured clothes. Do a whole wardrobe makeover. Maybe throw in some sky blues and pale purples. Pastel colours were much needed too.

Chuckling at the thought of Chan in shiny yellow, he put on a plain black shirt and a pair of dark brown pants. He blow dryed his hair, applied a light layer of cream to his skin then went downstairs.

There was a lot to discuss.

********

"This is the first time I'm seeing her picture." Hyunjin said, gazing at the picture frame placed beside Aera's tombstone. "She was so pretty. No wonder you fell for her."

Felix chuckled, his eyes softening as he recalled the way she used to smile at him. "I loved her blue eyes. They were so bright. She was one the best things that ever happened to me."

"What about me?" Hyunjin asked, playfully nudging Felix with his elbow. "Am I also one of them?"

Felix pretended to think about it, putting a hand to his chin. "Hmmm, I'm not quite sure..."

"Hey!" Hyunjin exclaimed, staring at him in disbelief and Felix burst out laughing. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Of course you're one of them. I don't know how I would have survived with out you."

Hyunjin let out a smug smile, feeling proud of himself. "I know. I'm so amazing, aren't I?"

Felix rolled his eyes and they burst out laughing.

Mingi watched the friends laugh and converse, happy to see that Felix made the right choice. Not just for himself, but also everyone around him. Especially Chan.

Last night, he didn't leave the room but instead, stood by the bathroom door and shared Felix's pain. Before, he used to think Felix was a spoilt brat who knew no pain and did whatever he wanted without thinking of the consequences. That was one of the major reasons he wanted Felix to understand Chan's past but after hearing Felix in pain, he realised that the boy must have suffered too. Maybe even more than them.

He didn't fully understand what Felix went through and maybe he never would but as a person who had suffered before, he could silently grieve with Felix.

They were standing side by side before Aera's grave. It was still early in the morning but Felix had insisted on going to visit her. They hadn't even had breakfast yet but getting some was easy for they could just stop by a restaurant. 

Felix could remember when he used to visit Aera 5 years ago. He was filled with guilt, a lot of anger and hatred for both himself and world. All he wanted was to destroy everyone who had caused her pain, including himself.

Now standing before her grave, he felt a little lighter. Especially knowing that majority of the people who ruined her life were behind bars. He remembered everything he and Jisung had done to put them in jail.

And he also remembered the crimes Jisung committed. The lies he spewed and the people he manipulated. He balled his fists as anger bubbled up in his chest but he quickly calmed himself down.

He squatted and placed the bouquet of fresh white roses he was holding by her tombstone. He stared at her picture until his vision blurred over with tears. He blinked, sniffling as he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

Hyunjin stepped closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

Felix closed his eyes, welcoming the gesture very much. It reminded him that unlike last time, he wasn't alone. "I'm gonna get justice for you, Aera." He said with determination. "I remember everything now and I'm sorry for making you wait so long but don't worry. I'll send the one that started this to you very soon."

"You've made up your mind then." Mingi said.

Felix nodded. "I have." Nothing and no one could make him change his mind.

"What about Chan?" Hyunjin asked, feeling worried. "What will we tell him when he finds out? He's gonna be so mad."

"I know." Felix said, standing up. "But this is something I have to do on my own."

Gazing at Felix, Hyunjin felt that something within him had changed. It was like the Felix now was fusion of the past and the present. Strong will and stubbornness of the Felix of the past  and the maturity and level headedness of the Felix of the present.

He could tell that Felix had thought well about what he was going to do so he sighed. "Fine. But be careful."

Felix nodded. "I will."

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