Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 57

Chan's chest contracted painfully. He wanted to apologise. He wanted to say something that would make everything okay but he couldn't. He felt that anything that came out of his mouth would just make things worse. He faced Felix to find him staring out the window, unwilling to even look at him.

"Is that why you apologised?" Felix asked, turning around to face Chan. The tears in his eyes made Chan feel terrible. As if his heart was being wringed like a piece of wet cloth. "Before you kissed me, is that why you said you were sorry? Because you knew you wanted nothing more? It was just a spur of the moment?"

Chan's brain quickly processed Felix's words and his eyes widened. "W-What? No!"

Felix scoffed. "Then why? Why did you stay quiet all this time? You didn't even say a single word. Do you have any idea how I feel?" He shook his head and his voice went low. "It's like you just used me"

He was devastated and it was taking everything in him to not cry though the tears were on the verge of spilling. He never thought liking someone would be so painful. Why did Chan kiss him if he didn't want a relationship? It hurt a lot and Chan not saying anything made him feel even worse. He wished he hadn't given in. He wished he had slapped Chan right there and stopped everything. To think he even wanted to kiss him as a reward for helping them win. His chest felt stuffy and his throat clogged. Why was it that everyone he genuinely likes doesn't like him the same? Why does everyone have to deceive him?

Chan reached out to hold Felix's hand but Felix moved away. "Don't touch me. You know what, I think Jeongin was right. He said all you do is hurt people and if I weren't careful, you would hurt me too. And you have" He opened the car, stepped out and slammed the door. "I don't want to see you again"

Chan watched Felix's slim figure walking away as he analysed everything. From Felix's words, it didn't seem like Felix was angry about what he did but rather what he did after. Not saying anything. Not acknowledging what they did in the locker room. Acting like nothing happened.

He gasped as his stupid brain finally realised what Felix was angry about.

Felix was cursing Chan to hell and back in his mind. He was furiously wiping his tears as he stomped on the tarred ground leading to the entrance of the mansion. "Stupid Chan" he muttered to himself. "Stupid heart. Stupid brain. I'm so so stupid!"

He was almost at the door when he heard the sound of running footsteps. Suddenly, his body was twirled and he fell into a familiar embrace. Fear gripped his heart and before he could shout, cold thin lips touched his own, blocking any sound from coming out. Felix was shocked and his heart was fluttering madly. His eyes widened to see Chan's handsome face zoomed before his. Those lips carressed his still swollen ones gently, lightly, like a dragonfly perching on water. It was sweet and the butterflies in his stomach did mad somersaults as his body melted within Chan's arms.

Chan kissed Felix gingerly, traced his bottom lip with his tongue then pulled back a bit but didn't release Felix from his hold. "I'm sorry" he said. His voice was deep and gentle, making Felix want to burrow closer. The tears on Felix's face made him feel like a complete jerk. It crushed his heart. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just scared that I ruined everything with you"

"What do you mean?" Felix asked, confused.

"I like you Felix" Chan replied, stunning the brunette in his arms. "But I don't know you feel about me and I was thinking kissing you was too soon so I panicked and couldn't say a word. I thought you were mad that I kissed you and uh...you know. I didn't know what to say"

Felix blushed at the reminder of their time in the locker room then his heart softened as he understood Chan's dilemma. "Why would you think that? I didn't push you away did I? I didn't tell you to stop"

"But I still did it without your permission" Chan said. "I mean, we haven't known each other for long so it was too rushed. It's like there's no difference between me and that Yeo-sang guy"

"Hey don't say that" Felix quickly chided. He gripped the collar of Chan's black sweater, stood in his toes and pecked him on the lips. "There's a big difference between you and that idiot. I trust that if I had asked you to stop, you would have but Yeo-sang would never stop. Not until he gets what he wants. You respect me Chan. I can never compare you to the likes of Yeo-sang. Besides, many couples actually do the deed on their first date. I'm very sure ours wasn't rushed"

Chan couldn't help but laugh. All the worries, the panic, everything washed away like the tides of the sea. He felt calm, relieved, and happy.

"And believe it or not, Chan," Felix continued. He gazed into Chan's dark eyes which seemed like black shiny gemstones in the night. "I feel like I know you. I know it sounds weird but I feel like we've met before. You just seem so familiar to me"

"It's not weird" Chan said, wiping the tears on Felix's cheeks with his palms. "I feel exactly the same way. Maybe we were together in our past lives and our souls recognise each other"

That made Felix smile. "Hmm, I quite like this theory of yours"

They both laughed.

"So where do we go from here?" Chan asked. He wanted Felix to say it. To lead the relationship. It wasn't about what he wants anymore. It's about what Felix wants.

"Well you're already declaring us soul mates" Felix chuckled. "But I'd like us to go steady. Nothing extreme. See how things go"

Chan smiled. "Then it means I can do this whenever I want?" He pecked Felix on the lips. "And this" On the cheek. "And this" On the other cheek. "And this" On the nose.

Felix couldn't help but laugh as he pushed Chan's face away. "Yes yes you can do all that"

Hearing Felix laugh warmed Chan's heart. He was so happy that it seemed unreal. Like a beautiful dream and if it was, Chan never wanted to wake up.

The door to the villa suddenly slammed open, shocking the couple. A stern looking Seonghwa stood at the entrance with his arms folded, glaring at Chan. "You two done? It's time for dinner and no, he can't stay"

Felix felt bummed but Chan didn't mind. He knew it was too soon for the others to forgive and accept him. Hell if Felix hadn't lost his memories then they wouldn't be before each other right now.

"It's okay" Chan said. "I need to head back anyway. I have lots of work to do"

"Call me?" Felix asked, gazing at Chan hopefully. Chan lowered his head and planted a chaste kiss on his forehead. "I will. Good night"

"Good night"

He released Felix, stood in place till he entered the house then left. 

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