Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 28

"Oh my God" Hyunjin whispered. His heart sunk to his stomach for he never knew that Chan had been through a lot these past years. They all thought he didn't care about Felix since he never showed his true feelings.

"In most cases, people who grieve like that tend to force themselves to find ways to cope" Changbin continued.

Hyunjin gasped as it dawned on him. "Just like how Chris is using Taehyun"

"Exactly" Changbin nodded. "That's why he told us that he needs him. It's not as if he wants to do it or he enjoys it. It's just as he said. He simply needs Taehyun. Not to love him or fill the void that Felix left but to just cope with Felix's death. Having Taehyun look like Felix and keeping him by his side makes him feel at ease and keeps all bad thoughts at bay. Mingi, does Chris behave differently when he's not with Taehyun?"

Mingi nodded. "Yes. The difference doesn't show much during the day because he has work to keep him occupied so won't even have the time to think of Felix but at night, when things get quiet, Chris still finds it hard to sleep. Not unless he has Taehyun"

Mingi purposely refrained from mentioning the other two that Chan had used and the kind of mania he displayed when they both left.

"As I said earlier" Changbin said, pushing up his glasses. "Chris is not doing it because he wants to. It's just beyond his control"

"So how do we get him to stop?" Hyunjin asked.

Changbin sighed. "For that, we have to ask a psychologist. I'm just a Neurosurgeon"

"Then how do you know all this?" Mingi asked, looking surprised.

"Don't forget that I belong to a family of doctors. After you sent me the report, I did my own research" Changbin answered. "I also came to know that there are five stages of grief which people go through when they lose a loved one. These stages come either fast or slow depending on the person. For Chris, I believe he is experiencing these stages very slowly. When I say very slowly, I mean even slower than normal. It may have to do with the fact that he feels guilty of Felix's death. According to the report, Chris entered the first stage after Felix's burial. Which is denial"

"But Chris was aware that Felix was dead. He never denied it" Mingi said.

"He doesn't have to" Changbin stated. "Denial doesn't necessarily mean actively stating that Felix didn't die. It means that at that time, Chris was in a state of numbness. Meaning he shut off his emotions. The report stated that for a whole year, he wasn't productive"

At that, Mingi nodded. "That's true. Chris really did shut off. He isolated himself in his study most of the time. He didn't eat, didn't talk, didn't sleep. He would just sit and stare at Felix's picture all day. I was afraid that he would harm himself so I used to mix sleeping pills in his tea at force him to drink it. Only then would he sleep. Later on, it stopped working because he would have nightmares and wake up. Chris won't sleep again for the rest of the night. The business was being handled by Mr Yoongi then so the public didn't know. Mr Yoongi forbade him from leaving the house because he lost a lot of weight. It took a lot to make him eat again"

Hyunjin was moved to tears. He had no idea that Chan suffered like that. And he knew Felix was alive. Not wanting Mingi to notice how guilty he looked, he turned and buried his face in the crook of Changbin's neck. "Binne, I feel guilty" he murmured softly.

Changbin stroked Hyunjin's soft hair and planted a kiss on his head. He then faced Mingi. "And after?"

Mingi's brows furrowed and he placed his fist under his chin, thinking seriously. "Well... After that, I think Chris became easily irritable. A single word could make him blow up. We had a lot of misunderstandings then because he always made me bear the brunt of his anger and I got tired of it. He used to drink a lot and we would often fight because he wouldn't clean up or take care of himself. And when I say fight, I mean hand to hand real bloody fights and at the end, he'd lose. Then sit and cry"

Hyunjin sighed. "And we all know that Chris never loses a fight. He'd rather break an arm or leg but he won't ever lose"

Changbin nodded. "Exactly. That's stage two. Anger. Most people go through these stages in a year or two but like I said, it varies because people are different. For Chris, he experienced it the following year right?"

Mingi nodded. "And for a long time too. I thought it would never end"

"When did it stop?" Changbin asked.

"I can't say for sure" he answered. "All I know is that Chris blamed himself for Felix's death. In fact, he still does and he's still in a state of depression. This Chris isn't the Chris I know"

"Me too" Hyunjin said. "The day we all met for the first meeting, I noticed he was trying to behave the way he usually does but he still seemed detached. Even during dinner, he hardly spoke a word. He just kept eating and eating"

"That's another bad thing he started" Mingi said. "Felix liked spicy food and Chris hates it but he started to eat it after Felix's death and when he starts, he doesn't stop until the whole table is cleared. That's why I always order a few dishes for him when we eat out"

"Depression and eating disorder. Chris's case is very serious" Changbin mused. "I can't say for sure that those are his exact problems. We'll have to get a professional. I have a feeling that there are things he does that we don't know about. We need to make him see a psychologist and if possible, go for therapy"

"I doubt Chris will agree" Mingi said.

Hyunjin huffed. "We'll find a way to make him agree. We can't let him go around with a bunch of monks trying to communicate with Felix's ghost"

Which doesn't exist because he is very much alive...

"If he asks about the priests, tell him you're working on it" Changbin adviced. "We'll take care of things in our end"

Mingi's phone, which he had placed on the table, chimed and a message popped on the screen. It was from Chan. Mingi groaned when he read it. Taehyun had appeared again. He stuffed his phone into his pocket at stood up. "Got it. Let's discuss more on that later. Chris needs me right now" 

Changbin and Hyunjin didn't mind. They also had some thinking to do and preparations to make. Mingi excused himself and left the office. After that talk, he seemed to understand Chan a lot better. He just hoped Chan would agree to go for therapy.

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