Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 65

Chan was sitting on a couch in his living room, swirling the glass of alcohol with a solemn expression. His mind was in turmoil and his heart in pain. He couldn't get Felix's words out of his mind. He couldn't forget the look of anger and disgust on Felix's face.

The face that used to light up whenever they meet. The face that was always adorned with smiles, and twinkles in those pretty brown eyes.

All they did was glare at him today. Those sweet lips uttered unbearable words. Words that kept reverberating in Chan's mind.

"Bastard!"

"Let me go!"

"You're crazy! I don't want to listen to a single word from you!"

Chan let out a shaky breath then downed the contents of his glass in one big gulp. The burn in the back of his throat did nothing to alleviate his pain. It was still fresh. Like a knife cutting his flesh.

How will he make Felix listen? How will he tell Felix everything? What will he even say? How will he convince Felix that he truly loves him? That he wasn't a replacement or a substitute? That he was the same Felix?

He grabbed the bottle of alcohol from the coffee table and raised it to his lips, planning to drink it all but before he could, the bottle was snatched from his hand.

He frowned at the culprit and stretched out his hand, silently demanding for his bottle back but Mingi refused to give it to him.

"What are you trying to do Chris?" He asked, annoyed. "Poison yourself with alcohol as you wallow in your pain?"

"Let me wallow in peace, Mingi" he replied, his words a little slurry. "Why should I be sober? Felix hates me"

"No he doesn't" Mingi sighed. "He's just angry. He doesn't understand the situation and I get that it's too complicated to explain but things will work out. I'm sure they will. You just have to have faith"

Chan groaned, running a hand through his dark locks. "But I'm losing it". He buried his face in hands, hiding the tears in his already red eyes. "I'm losing it Mingi. I'm losing my mind. Five years. I've thought him dead for five years. You have no idea how that feels"

"I understand" Mingi stated. "I was there with you wh-"

"No you don't" Chan interrupted, shaking his head. "No you don't understand at all. Being present when it happened and being the person in the situation are two different things. I was dying every single day Mingi. I was dying"

He raised his head but his eyes were on the tiles. His bangs hiding his expression. "I feel that way again. The look in his eyes today, that anger, that hatred towards me, it's killing me. I can't even take him being mad at me"

Mingi stayed silent for he didn't know what to say anymore. He felt stupid and useless. His friend was hurting but there was nothing he could do to help him.

Chan leaned back in the couch and brushed back his hair, sighing heavily once again. "I need him Mingi" he said, voice filled with deep longing. "I love him. I want him. I want to see him. Anytime we're not together, I feel restless. I feel like I can't breathe. Knowing he's furious with me, I can't think straight. I can't sleep Mingi. I want to shut my eyes and forget this pain. Even if it's just for a second but every single time I close my eyes, I see him and the pain doubles. I want to tell him the truth. I want him to remember who I am to him. The feelings, our memories, I want him to have them back. But I also don't want to see him hurt and those memories will only bring him pain. What I did to him, what I did to his friends, his parents, he'll never want to see me again and...I can't take that. I won't be able to handle it"

Mingi went and sat next to Chan then placed a hand on his shoulder, patting him lightly. "It wasn't entirely your fault Chris. Stop punishing yourself for it already. You've suffered enough. Mr Yoongi was never willing to let them go. He wanted to destroy the entire Lee family but you saved them. You got his mother out of the country and you kept all their assets safe. You spared Jeongin's life and you made sure Felix's father isn't being tortured in prison. You also took down all those videos and pictures from the internet. If you ask me, they don't deserve what you did for them as they ruined your entire childhood and made you slave away to a selfish man all your life but you still helped them in the end. They all got off easy. Too easy"

"But what was Felix's fault in all of that?" Chan asked. "It was his parents that committed the crime but he paid the price. His friends were the ones who murdered Aera but he was labelled the murderer. The worst thing was that I believed it too. How could I believe that someone as sweet as him could play with someone's feelings? How could I believe that his relationship with Aera was just a dare? I doubted his love for me, Mingi. No. I completely denied his love. I convinced myself that he was pretending to be with me when I could see that the love in his eyes, the adoration, the pain, the fear, they were real. They were all real. I hurt him Mingi. I fucked up big time and I can never forgive myself for that"

Mingi couldn't bear it anymore. He didn't like the way Chan was beating himself up over something that wasn't entirely in his control. "I'm telling you that it wasn't your fault" he stated. "If anyone should be blamed for what happened to Felix then it's me. I'm the one who installed the cameras in your house. I'm the one that kept taking pictures of you and Felix. I'm the one who told Mr Yoongi of your relationship with him"

Chan knew. He already knew these things but he didn't blame Mingi. "You were just following orders"

Don't forget to vote pls and sorry it took so long. Work was really taking up a lot of my time and I couldn't write much🙂🙂thanks for sticking around.