Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 79

Changbin shook his head. "You met Hyunjin and me in your final year of high school so we don't know who you dreamt about"

"What about you, mum?" Felix asked, facing her. "You should know. Who did I dream about?"

Mrs Lee knew perfectly well who the person was. In fact, she was the one who organised the person's funeral because of Felix. It was a pity not many people attended. After all, the girl who died was believed to be a local whore.

But she was her son's girlfriend.

Mrs Lee wanted to tell Felix but the words were glued to her throat for she didn't know how Felix would react.

"Mum, answer me" Felix pressed. "You should know who the person is, right?"

Dr Sarias met Mrs Lee's eyes and he shook his head, indicating that she should deny it, to which she felt better. "I'm sorry Felix," she said. "I must have been out of the country if your dream actually occurred in reality. I don't know what you're talking about"

Frustration and bitterness welled in Felix's heart and he scowled. "I don't get what the fuck is wrong with you all of you. You asked me to open up and I did. You asked me to trust you and I did. I've answered all your questions and you guys have managed to evade every single one of mine. What the fuck is this?"

Mrs Lee reached out to touch Felix's shoulder. "Calm down Fe-"

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down!" he snapped, shoving her hand away as he stood up. "What the hell do you guys want? All I ask for is the truth. Is that so hard?"

"Felix, we have to determine your state of mind and observe how you get your memories back before we can tell you anything" Dr Sarias explained but it only made Felix laugh sarcastically. "Yeah. Like I'm going to go crazy or something from learning the truth"

"Felix!" Seonghwa shouted.

"Don't yell at me!" Felix shouted back. "Don't fucking yell at me! I'm sick and tired of every one of you telling me to calm down! I don't want to calm down! I just want to know what happened to me!"

Mrs Lee stood up and grabbed Felix by the shoulders, shaking him as if it would bring him back to his senses. "Why is it so important for you to know?" she asked. "Why? Your life has been good ever since. You're not having any problems. Seonghwa and Jimin treat you well. What else do you want? Why are you so bent on learning the past? It has already happened and there's nothing you can change. Why not just live your life and spare yourself the pain, my son?"

"Son?" Felix scoffed, shrugging her hands off. "Now you know I'm your son. When you abandoned me-"

"I never abandoned you!" Mrs Lee shouted. "I only left for some time!"

Felix burst out laughing. "Yeah. Because five years is 'some time'. Now you come back and start acting like you care"

"But I do care" Mrs Lee replied. "Felix you're my son. I only left to protect you"

"Protect me from what?" Felix asked. "You know I'm really starting to hate that word. 'Protect'. You all say you're trying to protect me, you don't want me to be hurt, and you want me to be happy but do you know that you guys are the ones hurting me the most by hiding the truth from me? I have so many questions that I need answers to. How did Lisa and Rose die? Why did Jisung leave? How did I lose my memories? Why did we move abroad? Why is our old house locked up? And most of all, where's Dad?"

Mrs Lee went ashen and she staggered a few steps back from Felix. The last question was like a poisonous arrow going straight into her heart.

"Where's Dad, Mum?" Felix asked again. "What is he doing? Why hasn't he come to see me in five years? Why is our family torn apart like this? I mean you two used to travel all the time together but you always came back for me. What happened? Why have you never mentioned him? Did you two divorce?"

She quickly shook her head, eyes on anything but Felix. She was afraid to look at him for she would spill everything. The words were right on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell him. Tell him that his father is in prison and the person who put him there was alive and well. The richest man in all of Asia. A person he once had an intimate relationship with.

But then, even if she said it, what could her powerless son do? Their connections were limited. They weren't as influential as they were before. Although some partners stuck with them through the bad times, others cut ties with them after hearing what Mr Lee did and seeing Felix's videos online.

Their image was completely ruined. If it weren't for Seonghwa, Changbin and Hyunjin, they would be living in some shabby house by now, barely having enough to eat and drink.

"If you two aren't separated then what happened?" Felix asked. "I just want to know. Don't I have that right? This is my father we're talking about "

His sight went blurry with tears. He was tired of being treated like a child. He understood their fears but he wanted them to understand him too. How could he live with all these questions churning inside him? How could he fully grasp himself? He didn't know what was true or false again.

"You all think I don't worry about my life every day?" he asked, gazing at each one of them. "You think all the things you've given me can make me forget and live a carefree life? Just because I smile, laugh, and have fun with you guys doesn't mean I don't think. It doesn't mean that I'm totally happy and I have no worries. Imagine waking up to hear that the people you grew up with are dead and one is missing. Won't you have questions?" He turned to face his mother once more. "Mum, you of all people should know how attached I get to things or people I love. Before you left, you told me to be good to my cousins. To not trouble them and I should forget about my life in Korea and start afresh abroad. You told me to forget my old friends but it's easier said than done."

Felix couldn't hold back the tears this time. They flowed down his cheeks and he furiously wiped his face with his palms. "Do you know how many times I secretly dialled Jisung's old numbers? In the years we spent together, he changed his number thrice and I called them all but none of them went through. I tried to get in touch with Lisa's parents but they just shouted at me, saying that I was pranking them or something and the Felix they knew is dead. If I wasn't involved in their deaths, if I didn't have anything to do with it, why did they cut all ties with me? Why did none of them want to speak with me? And you all expect me to be a good boy and keep quiet"

They all stayed silent, surprised to see Felix speaking his mind. Also guilty for keeping him in the dark.

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