Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 31

Taehyun was dumbstruck. Felix? But wasn't Felix already...dead? How could this be Felix? Was the information he got wrong? Taehyun hadn't seen his face yet for Felix was standing with his back to him.

Felix was thinking about something else entirely. He couldn't let Chan mistake his identity. He and Chan's 'Felix' just share the same name and he didn't want to assume a different identity. He didn't want to deceive Chan. "I'm not Felix" he said. "No wait. I am Felix but I'm not your Felix. I'm not the person you think I am"

Chan was completely flabbergasted. Never in his entire life did he think Felix would deny his own name. "W-What do you mean?" he asked, bewildered.

"I'm not your Felix okay" Felix repeated as calmly as he could. "My name is also Felix but I'm not the 'Felix' you're talking about. I am the Parks youngest brother and I've lived in the United States for many years. I've never seen you before. I don't think we've ever met until recently so you're mistaking me for someone else"

Chan could feel his heart break little by little. Like tiny cracks on the surface of a frozen river. He took a step forward and held Felix's hands. They were small and they fit into his perfectly. Just like he remembered. "No" he shook his head, eyes red. His voice sounded choked. "D-Don't do this to me Felix. Don't punish me like this. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

Felix didn't understand. He was starting to think that Chan was crazy. He tried to wrestle his hands out of Chan's hold but it was impossible. "I've told you, I'm not your Felix!" he shouted, getting frustrated that Chan wouldn't let him go.

"I'm sorry Felix" Chan continued, thinking Felix didn't want to acknowledge him. Tears spilled down his cheeks like a waterfall and his entire face was contorted in pain. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm really sorry. Please forgive me Felix. Don't punish me like this. Don't do this to me". He hugged Felix again tight, as if he feared that Felix would disappear. "I love you Felix. I truly love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you. I want to be with you. I love you so much. I swear it. I love you Felix. Please, don't do this to me. Don't pretend like you don't know me"

"But I really don't know you" Felix said, trying to wrestle his way out of Chan's arms. "Let me go. Let me go!"

Taehyun couldn't bear all this. It was as if he wasn't even in the room. As if his presence didn't matter to Chan at all. Chan was busy professing his love to a stranger while he was watching silently. He felt absolutely awful and worthless. "Chris!" he called but Chan didn't even hear him.

"I love you Felix" Chan chanted over and over again. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. I know it took so long for me to say it to you and I'm sorry. But please, don't reject me. Don't act like you don't know me. You have no idea how much it hurts. I love you Felix. I love you"

Those three sacred words were now easy for Chan to say and he said that on and on, as if he wanted to fill Felix's head with just those words.

Felix couldn't take it anymore. He wrenched his body free and immiediately ran for the exit. He kept thinking Jeongin was right. He shouldn't have gone to see Chan.

The man was bat shit crazy!

Before Chan realised what was happening, Felix had already dashed out the door and slammed it with a loud bang. Chan wanted to go after him but Taehyun quickly blocked the door with his body. "No. I won't let you. Not until we talk"

Chan was restless. He didn't want Felix to leave. Felix had just denied ever knowing him. He really couldn't take it. He felt as if his heart would burst. But then, Chan knew that to properly pursue Felix, he'd have to take care of things between him and Taehyun. Besides, Felix had mentioned being the youngest brother of the Parks. Meaning, he would be easy to find.

After that thought, Chan finally called down. He faced Taehyun with a look of impatience. "What do you want now? I thought I've already made myself clear. I don't love you and I never will"

Those words hurt like a knife slicing skin. They burned Taehyun's heart and Taehyun burst into tears. "Why are you treating me like this? What did I ever do wrong to you? Why can't you love me?"

"You've done nothing wrong. How many times will I tell you Taehyun?" Chan asked, annoyed. "I can't love you because I'm in love with someone else"

Taehyun scoffed. "You mean a dead guy"

At that, Chan narrowed his eyes, his face darkening with displeasure. "Watch your words Taehyun or I'll forget that we've once had a relationship"

"I won't!" he shouted. "What? What will you do to me? Beat me?"

The provocative words made Chan ball his fists so hard that the crisp sounds of knuckles cracking could be heard. It made Taehyun's eyes widen in disbelief. He wondered if Chan would really hit him.

"I don't have time for this Taehyun. Step aside. I need to find Felix" Chan said but it made Taehyun more determined to stop him.

He shook his head vehemently. "That was not Felix. Felix is dead remember? What are you doing still loving a dead person? He's already gone and he can't come back" He stepped forward and held Chan's fist in his hands. "Chris please, stop this madness. Felix has been dead for five years. You have to get over him"

'But Felix is alive' is what Chan wanted to say but he decided against it. No one would believe him anyway. Not until they see Felix themselves. Even he didn't believe it at first. Not until he touched him.

"I can't" Chan said instead. "Felix owns my heart. I want no one else but him"

"Then what have you been doing with me?!" Taehyun yelled angrily, releasing Chan's hand from his grip. "What have we been doing these past 8 months?! What was the purpose of our relationship? Where you just toying with me?!"

"No" Chan answered straight away. He didn't love Taehyun but he really wasn't toying with him. He was using him for his own selfish needs but he also had plans for him. For them. If Felix hadn't shown up, then... "I wasn't toying with you. I wanted to marry you"

Taehyun's eyes went as wide as saucers and his heart skipped a bit. He was completely stunned. "W-What?"

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