Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 119

Chan snapped out of his jealous fit with Felix's spoon then started to eat. It wasn't fair though. That spoon got to feel everything Chan was dying to feel. What made him more upset was that he didn't know if he would get to feel anything in the future. He felt aggrieved and pursed his lips unhappily as he drank his soup.

The atmosphere was quiet and strange. Something none of them was used to.

After a while, Felix couldn't take it anymore. He sighed and kept his bowl on the bedside table. "Fuck I can't stand this. What is wrong with you?" he asked Chan. "Why do you keep staring at me like that? Why aren't you talking? This isn't you."

Chan was surprised. Was that was Felix was thinking all along? He wanted him to...talk?

And say what? All the things he didn't want to hear? Like, 'I love you', 'I miss you', 'Let's get back together', 'I want to be with you for the rest of my life'. Or maybe he would blurt out his naughty thoughts. Like, 'Stop licking your lips', 'Stop licking the spoon', 'Stop being so sexy', 'I want to bend you over and fuck the life out of you', 'I want you so bad, Felix'.

"I don't get it" he said, interrupting Chan's train of thought. "I said we need some time apart not remain mute whenever I'm around. You can talk, you know. I won't snap at you for it. We only broke up. It's not like having a conversation with me is forbidden."

He really didn't like it. Although he was mad at Chan, he couldn't get what he witnessed out of his mind. Some part of him went soft when he remembered how Chan panicked outside. As if his 'death' was a truly traumatic experience for him. He wanted to talk about it but he didn't want to upset Chan lest he has another attack.

Chan shook his head. "It isn't you Felix" he said. It could never be Felix. "It's me. I'm afraid I'll say things you don't want to hear. I don't want to upset you"

Felix chuckled softly. They both didn't want to upset each other so they were walking on eggshells, refusing to utter a single word. Eating in silence which they had never done before.

Felix rolled his eyes. "You can at least thank me for the soup. Add a compliment while you're at it."

Chan couldn't help but laugh. "Thank you. It's delicious."

Felix smiled. "I know. This was the very first dish you made me. Do you remember? I passed out on a sidewalk and you saved me. It was raining that day too."

"How could I ever forget?" Chan said with a smile. "That was one of the best days of my life."

That was the day Felix had confessed that he couldn't stop thinking about him. That Chan was in his head all day long. Ever since their bathroom moment. It was the day Chan had felt his heart flutter madly and his stomach flip. There was a rush of joy he had felt unlike no other. Then, he didn't fully understand his emotions. All he knew was that he wanted the boy in his bed. He had never wanted anyone before.

Felix blushed, recalling the way his emotions had burst out that night. It was followed by a kiss. A sweet yet intense kiss that had him doubting his sexuality. It took a lot for him to accept it and it led to bittersweet memories of him and Chan.

Chan finished his dinner then placed the bowl on the tray on the bedside table and scooted closer to Felix. He maintained a respectable distance but was close enough to catch the subtle hint of vanilla wafting from Felix's body. "You're not eating" he said, glancing down at Felix's bowl which was half empty.

"I'm not really hungry" Felix said with a sigh. "Do you want it?"

"Yes, but you should eat more first. Have a few more spoons then I'll have the rest."

Felix frowned slightly. He raised his head to look at Chan who was smiling gently. He suspected that there was something Chan wanted to do but even after closely scrutinizing his face, he couldn't deduce anything

"What are you planning?" he asked, gazing at Chan suspiciously.

"Whatever would I be planning? I only want to eat" Chan replied innocently. He even added a sweet smile. "You have become really good at cooking over the years. I love it."

Felix frowned even deeper but didn't say a thing. He still found Chan's behaviour suspicious. Nevertheless, he drank a bit more of the soup and ate a few pieces of chicken.

"Hold the spoon" Chan said when Felix was about to put it in the bowl. "I don't need it."

Not thinking much of it, Felix shrugged and held the spoon then handed the bowl to Chan.

That was when Chan grinned mischievously, like a kid about to make trouble.

He moved closer to Felix but instead of collecting the bowl directly, he put his hands over Felix's warm ones, savouring the feel of his smooth skin then he put his lips to the bowl and tilted it, drinking the soup. It was like Felix was feeding him.

Felix was caught off guard. "H-Hey! What are you doing?!" he exclaimed trying to take his hands away but Chan held them tight.

"Stay still or the soup will spill" Chan warned. "And I won't help you change the sheets."

Felix was tricked!

He was so annoyed that he wanted to kick Chan but the thought of changing the sheets if the soup spilled stopped him. He was too lazy to do anything.

He glared at Chan like he wanted to beat the shit out of him. What part of breaking up didn't Chan understand? He wasn't allowed to do such things anymore.

Chan finished drinking the soup. He pried the spoon out of Felix's other hand then shamelessly licked it. He giggled to himself like a fool. Licking the spoon was also like kissing Felix.

Felix was fuming. He raised a hand to hit Chan but Chan swiftly caught his wrist then pulled him close, muttering softly; "I'm sorry Felix. Don't be angry okay. I just couldn't help it. You can't be this close to me and expect me to not do anything. It's like my second nature to touch you and tease you. I know we just broke up but you can't expect me to get used to it right away. You have no idea how much I've been holding myself back because I want to respect your decision but I'm also a man who's madly in love with you. Cut me some slack because you're driving me crazy here. Please."

Felix was stunned. He didn't expect Chan to say such things. Although he was angry, although they broken up, It still made his heartbeat quicken. It's not like he could turn off his emotions after a break up. He still loved Chan.

"I love you Felix" Chan said, rubbing his nose against Felix's soft locks. "I can't bear to be apart from you. My heart pounds and my body trembles when you're before me. I can't keep still without touching you. Sometimes I feel like you'll disappear. As if I'll wake up from this sweet dream and see myself in the nightmare my life once was without you. I need you Felix."

With every word Chan uttered, Felix's heart beat faster.

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