Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 18

Felix didn't know that those two years he thought he missed, were the most horrible years in his entire life.

He missed his friends. He missed Rose, Lisa and Jisung. He missed talking to them. He missed hanging out with them. He missed all the crazy things they used to do. What hurt Felix the most was that they were just in their first year of high school. They were yet to throw awesome parties. They hadn't even had their first taste of alcohol nor sex. They had so many plans. So many new things they wanted to try.

It took a long time for him to accept their deaths and Jisung's disappearance. In fact, he wasn't told anything until the doctors confirmed that he was ready to know. He couldn't believe it at first but later on, he slowly accepted it.

Life was short and the death of his friends proved it. It further strengthened his decision to live a happy life and not dwell on the past. What was the use anyway? None of them would come back.

What hurt him the most though, was Jisung's disappearance. He wasn't told the reason and his mum made him promise to not dig into it. Then Jeongin told him to forget Jisung ever existed. Felix knew that Jeongin would not say such things without a reason and if Jeongin could do it, he could too. After all, they all grew up together.

Still, It didn't stop him from missing Jisung and wishing everyday that he would come back. He really wanted things to go back to the way they were before. He wanted to go through high school with all his friends. Fall in love with somebody nice and get married just like Jeongin and Seungmin or Hyunjin and Changbin. Though it wasn't too late for him to find a partner, Felix felt that all the people he had met didn't cut it. Not that they were bad or anything but his heart refused to accept them completely. In fact, once he knew someone had romantic feelings for him, and that person touches him, he feels slightly repulsed. As if it just wasn't right.

Felix turned and stared out the window. He didn't know why but he suddenly recalled the feeling of those strong arms around him. The heat that emanated from that chiseled torso. The sudden sense of security. And that calming scent.

So familiar...

He didn't feel repulsed at all. Instead, he felt as if a big part of him had been missing and that short embrace had managed to fill it a little bit. It was like taking a sip of cold water after hours of journeying in a dessert.

Refreshing and sweet. Despite Jeongin's warnings, he really wanted to experience it again.

But then, the images of whips and canes popped into his mind and he shuddered.

No way. No more thinking of that. He couldn't take the pain no matter how drawn he felt to the man. Besides, it was just one meeting. There was no need to think so much on a small feeling. Christopher Bang was really bad news. He would surely avoid that man like a plague.

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His tears had dried but his heart still hurt. Chan knew that he would never get used to the feeling. It was fresh everyday. As if Felix had just passed away and not five years ago. Chan couldn't believe it has been that long. Sometimes, when he wakes up in the morning, he feels as if he was he was supposed to quickly take his bath, wear a uniform and go to school. He felt as if he would see Felix's beautiful face, smiling at his friends or listening attentively to the teacher.

Sometimes, Felix would whisper to his friends or pass notes with Jisung. He used to think the boy was reckless and irresponsible.

But he was just a teenager. A naughty teenager.

Chan would wake up hoping to have Felix in his arms, wishing these five years of utter agony were a dream and they were still in Felix's room, sleeping peacefully with their limbs tangled together.

Felix was Chan's first boyfriend. Chan's first relationship.

Everything he did with Felix was a first. And unknown to him, he had cherished those firsts deep in his heart and he never wanted to let them go.

He yearned to have those days where he could cook for Felix again and feed him with his own hands. There was just something different about it. Something fulfilling. A kind of feeling that made you know that a certain person was yours. Completely yours and Chan would kill to have that feeling again.

To feel the softness of Felix's lips against his fingers, to have his wet tongue swipe the tips, to wipe the crumbs from his silken skin, to lick the oil from his sweet small lips then take advantage and kiss him.

Chan wanted to do those and more. He wanted to cherish the boy but it was too late. Now Chan would suffer for the rest of his life.

The shrill ringing of his phone cut off his thoughts. He fished it out of his pocket and picked the call when he saw that it was Mingi.

"What?" He asked. His voice was so hoarse.

But Mingi didnt didn't notice. Instead, he said in a panicked tone. "Chris, Taehyun just called me. He was arrested. He's at the police station right now!"

Chan remained silent for a while. His brows knotted and he felt really annoyed. Why did that boy get himself into trouble now?

"So?" Chan asked. "Why are you telling me this? Go handle it"

He was about to hang up but Mingi hurriedly shouted, "Chris wait! I would have but Taehyun told me that he would not come back with me. He wants you to personally bail him out"

Chan wanted to erupt with anger. "When the hell did this start? He knows not to disturb me"

"But Chris, he specifically asked for you" Mingi replied. "He said he won't leave that place until he sees you"

They both went silent and Chan sighed deeply. He could already feel a headache coming. Why was Taehyun being difficult all of a sudden?

Then Mingi spoke. His voice was soft. Almost a whisper. "You won't be able to sleep without him Chris"

Chan knew and that was the only reason he would go. If not, he would let Taehyun experience what it's like to spend a night or two in jail. Who asked him to make trouble?

"I'll go" Chan finally replied. "The car is with me anyway. And I have spare keys so you don't have to come here. Text me the location of the station. I'll leave now. Have Hoongjoong give you a ride back"

"Okay. Take it easy with him Chris" Mingi warned. "Don't scare him off"

Chan just rolled his eyes. "Whatever"

He turned on the car and drove off, wondering what exactly Taehyun did to get arrested.

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