Make me Better ~Eddie Munson x Reader~

20. Stealing something precious

{Y/N's POV}

It's already a week later from the bonfire, and my thoughts are all over the place. I find myself looking for him in the cafeteria, watching to see if he talks with someone, well, talks to a girl. I noticed that his little group has been sending me looks every now and then, even as I walked down the hallways, they looked at me. It was weird, because they didn't even dare look my way before, afraid I would stare back and decide to mess with them... 

That is not the only weird thing, right after the bonfire I touched myself, thinking about him, and I cursed at the amount of alcohol I took that night, because it was its fault, not mine. I may or may not have a small little attraction towards Munson... Multiply it by ten, but I would never admit it, plus, he doesn't look at me in that sort of way either, so it's sort of pointless to feel like this around him, right? I bit my lip as I sat nervously in my kitchen. I was fidgety. I know he wouldn't find out I got off while thinking about him, but I feel like I sinned or some shit, and I was afraid he would find out somehow. 

Today he was coming over to my house and we haven't talked or anything since that night. Why am I nervous? I was never nervous around Munson, I wasn't going to start now. I took many deep breaths in, as I looked at the big poster we made displayed on the kitchen table. Well, that I made, because Munson couldn't write nicely even if his life depended on it. We had to split the talking subjects and start practicing because in two more Mondays from now, we would be finally done with this project. My face fell as I realized that it was over in two weeks. 

I would never see him again, or talk to him. I would go back to my group and he would go his way and we would never visit one another again. My stomach did a turn as I thought about not talking with Eddie anymore. It's the first time that I felt right, talking about my liking without being shamed for them, my hobbies, and have fun dinners at eachother's houses. Sometimes my Nana went out with her friends and I stayed at home, completely alone, eating something fast, cooking it in the microwave, but those times I changed them by spending it three times already at Eddie's home, having dinner with him and his uncle. It was always funny to see them go at eachother's throats, Wayne telling me things Eddie did as a child to embarrass him, while Eddie tried to excuse everything. 

I gulped, feeling a lump in my throat. Will I go back to spending my nights alone? My mood instantly dropped. I didn't think about it this way at all until now, and I was already getting depressed by what the future was going to be for me. I looked out the kitchen window, staring at my pool completely absent minded. I guess this is what I did to myself. I rip what I sow. I made everyone at school hate me or simply not trust me at all by my ways of acting, so I guess I kind of deserve this. I rested my chin on my hand as I kept thinking. I tried making amends with Wheeler and I knew it wasn't going to be instantly, but I don't really know if she wants to be my friend again. Yes, I want her to be my friend. I want to be able to call someone at night, telling them everything about my day, like I did with Chrissy at some point. 

I sighed and again, the sharp pain in my chest happened, but not because of envy, but because I am realizing how much of a shit I was to that girl. She was the only one that extended her hand towards me, no matter how disgusting I was towards her or the world, and cared for me. I rubbed my face with my hands, keeping it hidden in there. I do deserve every single thing that happens to me. My hands twitched with the need to drive, and my I was so into my world that I didn't notice someone had walked into the kitchen, tapping my shoulder. I sighed and looked up expecting to see my Nana, but my eyes slightly widened in surprise as I saw Eddie with his bag in hand and his hand on my shoulder with a worried look on his face.

"Are you alright?" He asked me with a frown and I blushed slightly as I remembered what I did, and how his name slipped from my lips as I reached my climax on Friday night. Fuck. I looked down on my hands and nodded.