Make me Better ~Eddie Munson x Reader~

68. Don't give up on me

{Eddie's POV}

I am a nervous wreck. I have been since the carnival. I have been smoking the triple than I usually do, and I also feel like I am not entirely myself.

In all my life, I never once thought I deserved affection, love, or like for that matter, because no one really gave it to me, so I just assumed that's what I had to live with. Feeling affection now, was a different thing. It makes me feel stupid, weak, but also happy and ecstatic. There were many amount of times where I thought my father was going to get better, lying to me about going to rehab, lying to me about being the last time he ever hit me. There were always last times, and it never stopped until he wounded up in jail.

I know this is my unconscious fucking up my life. I know that this stupid trauma of mine is forbidding me of being happy myself, but I just cannot help it. I cannot control it.

"Earth to Eddie?" Y/N waved her hand in front of me and I snapped out from my thoughts. I was laying on her bed as she sat next to me, waiting for dinner to be ready. After the carnival, I promised to try to get around my thoughts, and our past, moving forward to see where everything would go, so this is my third night of coming over in the week to have dinner with her, Laura and Wayne. I looked up at her and she had her wet hair down from her recent shower, wearing a black white T-Shirt and some jeans. Pretty simple, but she still looked gorgeous in my eyes. I just really want to grab her hand and bring her to bed with me.

I am fucking hopeless.

"Yeah?" I replied to her and she groaned, shaking her head at me.

"I am trying to teach you the basics so you can start your English assignment, but it's no use if you don't listen to me." She explained angrily and I winced slightly from embarrassment, sitting back up to face her way as she sat on the desk, facing me.

"Yeah, sorry, my mind was just going elsewhere." She nodded but I knew she was curious what I was thinking of and I fidgeted with my fingers nervously.

"Okay, what's up?" She asked, putting the book on the desk and to be honest, all I am thinking about is the memories that happened in this room, but I can't really tell her that right now.

"Just nervous I guess. This is the only grade left that will decide if I graduate or not." I lied but not really. I was nervous about this assignment. It's due in a month and I haven't even started it. She nodded my way and then a small smile tugged on her lips.

"Well, I have faith you will graduate this year. I mean, didn't you say it? '86 Baby." I chuckled at that, smiling her way as she remembered my words from the beginning of year. It's crazy to think how much time passed since we got assigned into the biology project together, and where we are now. I am sitting in the room of my ex. My ex who is the Queen of Hawkins High. Who would have fucking thought?

"'86 Baby." I repeated after her and she smiled and nodded my way, and I just felt the spark flying between us. Should I just forget it all? God, I wished I could, I really wished I could. I looked towards the head of the bed and I saw the stupid looking blue hippo in the middle of it. I felt my stomach do a turn at the sight and she followed my gaze.

"You all thought I was going for the car huh?" She asked me and I looked at her with a confused frown on my face, intrigue biting at the pit of my stomach.

"Why did you pick the plushie?" I asked her and she walked over to it, getting hold of it and hugging it tightly. She just looked like a little kid, making me smile softly at her.

"I never won one before. I always saw it in movies and I just wanted a big stupid plushie to hug whenever I wanted. I could have bought one, of course... but it wouldn't have been the same." She explained to me and now the guilt was consuming me. She really wanted the plushie, and I didn't help her get it. She had to depend on Hargrove to do so. My body froze when she spoke again. "Isn't Billy cute though?"