#janny (JessieJ and danny o'donoghue fanfiction) xx

chapter 133 - to kill myself...

*jessie*

yesterday was amazing. it let me forget about everything for awhile. today i have a meeting with my doctors today. i dont knwo why, theyve asked me too come see them. it probably just my blood and scan results. i hope not to much to worry about. i try and not think about it.

im just about ready when dan hugs m from behind. i smile as he hides his head in my neck.

danny: it will be fine... i have a feeling...

jess: i hope so...

danny: how ya feeling?

jess: the same as normal...

we get up go out to the car. holly picked orla up and took her and tommy to the park for a bit.we drive in silence. it didnt talk long to get there. i walk slowly in gripping dannys hand hard. i suddenly have a rush of fear. my eye scan everywhere 10 times over fast. my breath become sharp. i zone out of everything. everythings just a blur. my heart feel like its breaking my rib cage. it pounds loudly, i can hear muffled sounds, but cant make anything out. unitl all at once everything comes back

danny: jess! baby!

i look blankly at him,

jess: y-ye-ah? *cracked*

danny: come on... time to go in...

i swallow hard and get up. i walk down the long white corridors, counting the long lights that light up, that seemed to relax me. we came to the door and the doctor soon in invited us in. i sat nervously fiddling with the hem of my jumper. 

doctor belgrave: hello jessie, how are we today?

i swallow and nod, maybe a little to quickly. he gave me a smile.

doctor belgrave: jessie, me and doctor rein have been looking over your recent results. *sigh* jessie to be perfectly honest im surprised you have made it this far... but i have some bad news. the cancer is infact reacting to the chemo, but not as well as we would of hoped. youve come very far and your about half way through the full chemo now. the next step is to move you onto the 3rd stage of chemo, but jessie youve lost alot of weight already and you can see the chemo is really starting to drain and shut down your body- like i say its unseen how far youve come in your condition. but the next level will be worse and im not sure- after consulting with doctor rein we are not sure whether your body will be able to take it... which leaves you with two choices jess, one we can stop the chemo and you'll have about 4-5 week max until you body just shuts down, or you can continue the course of chemo and see what happeneds.. but if you continue your body will be pushed beyound breaking point... its entirely your choice...you to bear in mind we cant stop the course of chemo then start it again cause the cnacer will become to strong and all your hard work will be pointless, and you'll have no chance of surviving...

i stare not knowing what to say as a warm, painful tear rolls down my cold pale cheek. 

doctor belgrave: you dont have to make a choice now but if you wish to go head you need to come tomorrow...

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jess: i-i dont have to think about it... i-i i wanna go a head...

doctor belgave: you understand all the consequences of going ahead...

i nod as more tear fall silently hitting my jumper. he soon said i could go and i kept my head down and walked back to the car where i broke down in hysterical fits of tears in to danny's chest. thats it, im dead...