#janny (JessieJ and danny o'donoghue fanfiction) xx

Chapter 120 - side effect of dying

*jessie*

I have my first session of chemo today. It's fair to say I'm more than nervous. I'm packing a bag of stuff. Change of clothes, iPad, book (fault in our stars) and magazines. I stuff it all in a bag and walk down stairs.

I have no idea what it is going to be like. Holly is going to stay here while we go to the hospital. I don't want to disrupt Orla anymore.

I put my bag in the car and say goodbye to Orla before we set off. My stomach did flips as we approached.

A nurse took me to a room- Danny was aloud to come too. She said I could change if I wanted or stay as I am but to get comfortable.

I took if my jacket and got onto the bed. I held dans hand while I waited. Not long later two doctors came in.

Doctor one: hello... you must be... jessica? I'm doctor Belgrave and this is doctor rein. We will be watching over your progress for the while.

Doctor rein: hello, you need not to worry you are in good hands. Today you will have the cannula put into your hand this will be permanent. I nurse will run through with you more about that later. You then will have some pain killers and the chemotherapy drug will be inserted through a IV line connected to you cannula.

Doctor Belgrave: people act differently to the drug. Some times after the first few takes they seem very happy and upbeat but become very ill later. Common side effects are nose bleeds, bleeding while you pee for a while, hair loss, weight loss, discolouration, mood swings, tiredness and aching. Any other side effects let us know....

Doctor rein: your cancer will go in stages just like the chemotherapy we will start on one and work through each stage will be more draining. Each stage will last a few months depending on how the cancer reacts. You are going to get worse before you get better...

Doctor Belgrave: it's important to try and rest and eat as much as you can because the risk your body is at starting means you are going to have to fight harder...

Doctor rein: any questions?

I shook my head i don't think I have any. They soon left and a nurse came through. She attached the cannula to my hand and hooked up the IV.

Nurse: if you need me or the pain gets to much press this button

She pointed to a red button on the wall. I smiled and thanked her as she left. Dan passes me my boo and he opened his phone

Danny: ma wishes you luck and says her thoughts are with you

Jess: thank her for me please

Danny: already done

I smile and open my book. I haven't started it but it sounds really good. I read the first page it so true and powerful.

Jess: wow dan hear this- 'late in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, red the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted a lot of time to thinking about death. Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always list depression as one of the side effects of cancer. But, infact, depression is not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a side effect of dying. (Cancer is also a side effect of dying. Almost everything is really.)

I looked up at him.

Danny: wow.

Jess: I know right! I can tell- ahhh

A felt a slight discomforting pain. I think the drug is starting to kick in.

Danny: jess?

Jess: I I'm f fine... I can't tell this is going to be a good book!

I started to read again trying to do what I could to forget the pain. It eased a bit. I could nearly feel it now. I had been here 1 1/2 hours out of four.

I read 3 chapters before I closed my book.

Danny: you done well telling Orla y'know...

Jess: I won't and never will lie to her... she means more than em anything but I can't face hurting her... think she may have to grow up in this world with out her mum...

Tears threatened to spill, I've been an emotional wreck recently. Dan says it's fine but it's not I need to sort myself out. It's too late for that as they start to spill as is think of Orla- growing up, no mum, me never getting to see what see turns too...

Dan joins me on the bed and I cry into his chest. I hate myself. I'm scared of myself. Orla is still a bit scared of me. And I know dan is too. He won't show it but I can tell deep down I know he is hurtin and scared.

Danny: Jessica Cornish you listen to me! your going to make it through this because you have all your friends and family around supporting you and most of all they love you. And love is 10x more powerful than ANY drug will ever be. And I know times ahead will be tough. There will be days when all you want to do is cry or sleep or even die. There will be days when your so happy, days when you don't know if you'll wake up, days when you feel you could climb a mountain. But you know what we with ALL be here day or night to love and trust in your discussions and to care for you and keep you going. Because Jess I'm not letting you go without a fight...!

I now had tear flowing down my face from his words! he know what and when to say. There's no way I could make this to today let alone what is to come with out him. He is my rock. My everything. The this that will make me win!

I sniffle away my tears and speak.

Jess: danny, everything we have been through has only always made us stronger. We have learnt from our mistakes and managed to over come anything chucked at us. My love has never been stronger for you. People say why are you with hIm? why is he with her? the reason is because i could never feel so high, lifted and strong with anyone else but you. People get addicted to alcohol, drug, sex everything but my spot has always been you, it always will be. So I know that if your by my side I have more chance than anyone at kickig cancers arse becaus your my rock. The love of my life. My drug. My addiction. My soulmate. And nothing will every stop that...

Not even cancer!

*****deep words :) only 80 chapters left :( :( :( not letting out any more thought on whether there is or isn't a sequel yet though... but please comment name ideas incase ;) vote and fan:Dxz*****