#janny (JessieJ and danny o'donoghue fanfiction) xx

chapter 138 - always happy

*jessie*

im so proud of my little baby, after everything, the pregnacy and all this cancer shit she has still come out a normal little girl. she amazes me everytime i look at her, she reminds me of me at her age and i always see dan in her.

but i feel like crap. to the point i cant even walk anymore, well not far. and the only thing keeping me up and going today- apart from the fact is that its orlas birthday is a song by ed sheeran- who i cant stop listening to! called 'even my dad does sometimes'...

'its alright to cry, even my dad does sometimes,

so dont wipe your eyes, tear remind us we are alive,

its alright to die, cause deaths the only thing you havent tried,

but for tonight hold on...'

so thats what im doing, holding on. i keep looking at the calendar and thinking right next week or couple weeks so and so is happening so i have something to aim to hold on too. for example next week it is mine and dans anniversary... yep, a whole year! and then after that clairs due date! then it slows down again until christmas. id be suprised if i make it too christmas...

hannah: jass?!

jess: w-what?

hannah: hey

jess: sorry, hi

she hugged me and i said hi to everyone and their softened, sympathetic looks. i dont want today to be about me, i want it all to be focused on my gorgeous girl!

hannah: how you doing?

jess: good, i guess, good....

lie.

hannah: good

she gives me a warming smile. i look about everyone is here- hang on no rachel? i turn to hannah who is sitting next to me.

jess: wheres rach?

she looked down, almost as if she was trying to figure what words to say- she has given up on me. i almost gasp as i realise. my own blood, my sister has given up on me at the time when i need her most.

hannah: no jess, no... she, she, um, she-

jess: i get it... she has given up on me! her own sister!

hannah: jess, im so sorry! i just think its hard on her, seeing you like this, it is on all of us.

she looks down almost ashamed.

jess: i-i, *sigh* how come the kids are here then?

hannah: they wanted to come so me and jacob brought them....

i amost laugh or giggle in disbelief. i cant believe it.

hannah: im so sorry jess!

jess: han, its not your fault...

i smile at her. everyone moves outside as the BBQ is lit. i get in to my chair- yep wheelchair! fun! si go through to outside. everyone is getting on and chatting, laughing away its nice. im just sitting there listening and cherrishing. i feel a hand on my shoulder, i turn and see ailish standing there. i smile and she sits next to me.

ailish: how you feeling?

jess: *sigh* i wish people will stop asking me that...

i smile and she does too.

ailish: jess you amaze me! i just want to say im so proud of you and i do think of you as one of mine own, the way you have turned my sons life around, your determination and will power is mindblowing. jess i know you must hear this all the time and your proably sick of hearing it but i put all my faith in you surviving! your so much stronger than you think! and whenever, just remember you can just call me up and we can chat or I'll fly straight over....