"It's 2 in the fucking afternoon, Kilani. Stop drinking!" Billie yelled at me as I sat on the back porch steps.
"Let me feel numb, okay?" I slurred.
"And I understand that you wanna feel 'numb' but you have a child! You're not fit to take care of him if you're like this! Man up."
"BILLIE! THEY JUST FUCKING TOLD ME I CANT HAVE KIDS! AND YOU WANT ME TO MAN UP!? Let me get drunk and forget this for a while, mmkay?" I ignored her and kept drinking.
She kissed her teeth. "Kat just take him to your place, 'till Jahseh gets here."
"O-Okay..please get sober Kila, we can't see you like this."
I scoffed, laughing, and continued drinking. She shook her heard and left, slamming the door.
"I'm gonna call Jahseh." Billie mumbled.
"I.dont.give.a shit." And I sarcastically smiled.
My poor girl😕😔
She groaned clearly annoyed.
"There she was, with the blade in her hand. Scars on her skin replaced kiss of the man. She's played a part for as long as she's known. Regret fills her heart as her love leaves her home." I sung lowly as I stared at my feet. "She's learned to be passive, but such is a loss. Accepting defeat when I foreclose the costs. For her, this was needed to be rid of the pain. You play the victim and I'll play insane."
Someone snatched the bottle from my hand.
"HEY! GIVE IT BACK!"
"Why are you drinking?" Jah said throwing the bottle of Hennessy onto the grass, breaking it.
I pushed him aside and limped back into the kitchen. I dug through the cupboards looking for another bottle.
"Kilani! What are you doing?!" He yelled throwing me over his shoulder.
"Let me go!" I threw punches everywhere. I was too drunk to hit right..
"Chill! Baby relax!" He said laying me on the couch, trapping me under him as he straddled me. "What's going on!?"
"FUCK YOU GET OFF!" I vigorously yelled.
"Aye! Calm down! What's wrong?!" He seemed so worried.
"Jahseh please get off!!" Tears of frustration ran down my face.
He held my face with his hands. "Please talk to me..tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me."
"It's my fault! It's my fucking fault.."
He got off me and kneeled beside the couch to face me. "What's your fault?"
"If I had taken care of my body the first time, I wouldn't have to be forced to go through this!"
"What?!?"
"Jahseh I can't have kids because I miscarried the first fucking time because I couldn't fucking eat well. I'm so fucking stupid!"
He sat down and took in a sharp breath. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm infertile, Jahseh..they told me today."
"That's why you were in the hospital?"
"Yes.." I cried.
"C'mere baby." He pulled me onto his lap.
He laid his head in the crook of my neck. I knew he was crying. I caused this. I caused all this pain and I'm just making it worse.
For the whole day, we just cried in each other's arms.
