I couldn't sleep.
I looked beside and noticed I wasn't the only one. "Hi, bubba."
"Mama.." He pouted like he wanted to cry.
Whenever I think of a kid crying, I just remember this video.
Shit made me sad.
I laid him on top of me. "Noo." I rubbed his back. "Why are you crying?"
He clutched onto me and started crying.
I sat up and turned on the lights. I cradled him back and forth in my arms. "Baby please." I sighed.
By now, hes screaming his lungs out.
"You hungry?" I brushed his hair back.
Nope, ignored that. Diaper change? I checked. Nope. Is he hot? No. Its fucking cold.
"You wanna watch cartoons? Mm? Naruto?" I tried to get his attention.
I carried him on my waist and walked of the room. I knocked on Kat's door.
She opened it with tired eyes. "Whats wrong?"
"He won't stop crying. Can i borrow your phone? Maybe some lullabies will soothe him."
She nodded. She went back into her room and grabbed it from her bed.
"Thank you. Sorry for waking you up."
"Its okay." She yawned and went back to sleep.
I walked back into my room and laid Jamal on the bed. I tried playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, I tried Hush Little Baby, Rock-a-bye Baby.
But nope.
I was thinking maybe something hurts, but out of curiosity I searched up 'I Don't Wanna Do This Anymore'.
And yeah..
He just wanted to hear Jahseh's voice. I noticed that the second Jamal relaxed. The second he tried to scoot closer to his voice.
Fuck.. Is it too late to go back? I shouldn't have left. I know Jahseh makes mistakes, but we always get over those obstacles.
Jahseh was my life. Hes all I ever had. He made me so happy.
And now I was the one crying.
But because I fucking love Jahseh. I love him but he doesn't seem to love me. Maybe he just doesn't know what love is. He didn't grow up like that. He was mistreated by anyone he cared for. All he wanted was happiness and he never got it. Thats all he knows.
Misery.
He just needs someone to love him and teach him right.
I want to go back to Florida.
I should dial Jahseh and let him I'm sorry. I grabbed the phone and swiped through the contacts. I saw his name and I clicked it.
Hopefully, hes not asleep.
"Hey, are you guys okay?" Matteo, Kat's cousin, asked. He stood in the doorway.
I carried Jamal in my arms as he started crying again because the song ended. I rubbed his back. "He just misses his dad."
I sighed. Jahseh didn't answer.
"So you're calling him to calm your kid?"
I ran a hand through my hair. "I need to go back to Florida."
