Rain ~ h.s. (au)

Chapter 31

  One second after, I find myself in Harry's car. What did I do? Why? 

''Good girl.'' His annoying voice speaks, making me roll my eyes.

''So, how's life?'' he asks, making my eyes shoot to him. He asked me that like we're old good friends. What the hell Harry? I swear he drives me insane.

''Harry, seriously? I told you I'm not gonna talk to you and I will not.'' I snap, crossing my arms.

''But you are talking to me.'' Harry tells me. I want to yell at him right now. Not yell, scream at him, but nothing comes out of this hole in my face. Like seriously...

''Chris look,-''

''Stop Harry!'' I finally scream, making him look up at me ''Stop talking to me! Everything was perfectly fine until you came and ruined everything! That's what you do Harry. You come and ruin everything you can! You ruined me, my faith in love, everything I believed in! Isn't that enough?'' I pause, trying to stop myself from crying, but like always, it doesn't help because soon I feel tears rolling down. Why am I doing this? Just proving my weakness in front of him.

''You had to come today and just ruin my life even more ha? I was okay, I was happy before I bumped into you. And now, look at me! I'm crying and screaming at you for god knows what time in this week. Why are you doing this to me Harry?'' I cry, and now I even start sobbing. I need to calm down. I have to.

''Chris-''

''No Harry! Leave me alone.'' I yell. I start taking deep breaths to calm myself down. Just when I'm about to open the door, and get out leaving him here, Harry locks them.

''Ha-''

''No! Now you'll listen to me!'' he yells, making me flinch. I wipe my tears away and look through the window. I don't want to listen him. I don't even want to see him and his face anymore.

''I loved you Chris! I did! You were my life, my everything. You were my first love and you made me happy. Do you think I was happy when you broke up with me and left me there sitting on the cold ground? Well, guess what, I wasn't. I spent days crying, starving, trying to get my shit together! I'm so fucking sorry I cheated you okay? I said that million times and I will say million times more. Because I really am sorry and I will regret that for the rest of my life. That fucking mistake ruined my life!'' he stops, taking deep breaths, probably trying to calm down and I swear I can see tears in his green eyes.

''I was nothing Chris! I was nothing without you! I didn't feel anything I didn't care about anything.That's what that mistake did to me. I lost you, almost my family and friends, and I lost my feelings. I was empty! I still am and hole in my heart is big! I am a jerk, yes I am. Probably the biggest in this fucking world, but I loved you and I'm sorry for everything!'' he almost screams, one tear rolling down his face. Seeing him like this, makes my heart break once more.

''The pain I felt inside my chest was huge. Sometimes it felt hard to breathe. You think it was only hard for you but it wasn't. It was hell for me.'' by the end of his speech I'm staring at him, speechless, while tears are rolling down my cheeks.

I want to hug him, and kiss him and just hold him in my arms, whispering soft things to him. I want to tell him that I forgive him. I really want to forgive this curly boy who just let his heart out for me and just forget everything. But something inside of me, keeps on reminding me what he did to me. And I just want to rip that something away.

Now I see it for the first time. I thought I was  the one who was broken inside, and that he didn't love me. I was so selfish. I see it now though. He loved me. He did. He really did.