Rain ~ h.s. (au)

Chapter 40

Christine's POV

I sit in Harry's car, thinking what will I tell him. Before, I knew exactly what I want to tell him, but right now I can't remember a word, can't even think of anything. I mean, I know how I feel and I know the words, I just, I don't know. I feel so speechless at the moment. My throat is dry and words never seem to leave my mouth.

We just sit in the car, looking through the window. The only sound is our breathing. So many thoughts are messing with my mind now. This silence between us, it's somehow calming because it gives us time to think about life and everything that's going on. But, again it's uncomfortable. At least for me. Oh god.

 ''So, what did you want to talk about?'' I ask, not just to break the silence (even though that was the main reason), but because I want to know what was the reason of conversation he wanted to have with me.

''This. Us.'' He replies, his hand moving in the space between us.

''Oh, well, me too.'' I whisper. I'm glad he wants to talk about this whole thing. I need to tell him how I feel about everything and I want, no, I need to know how does he feel about..us. I know I may sound selfish, thinking only about my feelings, but maybe this conversation will help us to clear our thoughts, and to get back to our normal life. Before we messed up.

''Just tell me one thing'' he starts ''Why would you ask me to forget about that night? Why did you want me to forget about it, like it meant nothing?''

I stare at him, thinking of right words to say, but nothing except silence leaves my mouth. I knew he'd want to talk about this, and we should talk about it. But, the problem is I don't know what to say. Sure, asking him to forget about that was the dumbest thing I could ask him. Not even thinking about him, nor me, how I felt when he held me in his arms, or just how happy we were.

''I just, I was just feeling guilty. I-I don't know. I wasn't thinking then.'' I whisper, not giving him an answer he probably wanted to hear, and just giving him the shittiest answer he could get.

''Tell me, do you have any idea how I felt then? You just walked out of the door, telling me it was a mistake.'' he rises the volume of his voice.

''I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry for asking you to do that, because I know you won't forget it, nor will I. But, I just coudn't bare with the fact that I just cheated on Luke. That I did something terrible like that to him. To hurt him on that way.'' I yell in his face, which wasn't really the right thing to do because he is pretty angry now. But I didn't lie. I still cannot believe that I did that to Luke, and something even more great, I haven't even told him about it. And I just, I don't know.

''Oh, I see. Well, for your information I have feelings too! And I was hurt too. And I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but I'd never ask you to forget something that...ugh! Why'd do something like that to me? I know you hate me, but still.'' He yells, his grip on the steering wheel tightens as he speaks. I get a feeling to hug him and hold him close to me again, but I stop myself. He's pissed off and might hit something at the moment. Okay, he wouldn't hurt me, I'm sure about that, but he needs to hit something.

''I-I was, y-you w-were, I-''

''I was what? Oh my fucking god!'' he screams suddenly, taking my attention ''Louis told you to do that, didn't he? That fucking prick!'' he finishes his terrible sentence, making me want to slap him. I can't believe he really thinks that Louis, oh god he's crazy. Louis cares for Harry maybe too much, he treats him as a brother (what Harry clearly can't see), but he would never ask me to do that.

''Harry, shut the fuck up! What's wrong with you? I did that because I wanted to. I wanted to be yours for a little while! Louis has nothing to do with this, and he only loves you and wants all the best for you, but you're too fucked up to see that! People care about you even though your such a screw up. Even I care for you and I'm sorry for asking you to forget about that night. Believe it or not, I don't want you to forget it, and I don't want to forget it. I'm sorry again, if you want me to leave I will.'' I scream most of my speech, but the end was barely audible. He doesn't reply, doesn't even look at me, but just stares in the distance with his green eyes. I get little bit closer to him, without a reason, not even sure what am I doing.