Rain ~ h.s. (au)

Chapter 73

hii guyss

sorry for the late update and my excuse is....my life became a huge mess in one week

this chapter has probably some of the most important quotes for the story and I go by them in real life lol

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I love you all 

-Ivy xx

Harry's POV

I'm worried sick about her. She barely replies to any of my messages, she never answers when I call her and I'm fucking worried about her. Thank god Liam always answers and tells me how is she doing. To be honest, I'm not thrilled with her being at Liam's. I'm not even okay with that because they are alone in a huge house and she is a very beautiful woman and he's, well he has a dick. 

I'm trying to think about anything else, but her. But, it's impossible. It's only gets harder as seconds pass. I miss her so much, it's killing me from inside. And the funniest thing is, this is just a break. 

So, we might be together again or she might realize how easier and better her life would be without me. And then she can only say two words to me. And by two words I mean on 'It's over'. 

I have been going to gym lately. I'm basically spending my days there. It somehow, not completely, but just a little takes my mind off of her. It helps me to survive these days without getting drunk or doing something even worse. I'm still not able to process what happened between us. I know I haven't been treating her the way she deserves and I probably deserve a breakup not a break. 

I'm dying to see her. Every second I'm so close to driving over to Liam's house and taking her home with me. I'm this close to calling her and explaining it to her how much I love her and how everything will change between us. 

But, somehow I know it won't. I will still not be able to tell her and she will only get more hurt by me. It's so damn hard, trying to protect her and at the same time wanting her near me. I feel so powerless right now. I know I can't protect her because she's not with me and I know something bad can happen to her in any moment. I know that she'd be much more safer with me. But, that can mean nothing when she being near me can only push her deeper into danger. 

I wish I could pull her out of these stuff. I wish I could be the perfect man she deserves. But, I'm not. I'm a terrible man. You know, there's a think line between being human and monster. I'm standing right on that line, trying to keep balance from becoming a monster. 

It hurts because I know right now, near her is a man that she deserves and a man who'll make her happy. And it makes me go completely mad when I remember that man is one of my friends and she's living with him right now. I have all these different scenarios in my head and all I can feel is anger, jealousy and complete suffer.

I should let her go. Let her have a life she deserves and let her enjoy in life. But, I can't do that. I can't let her go because that would only mean letting go of my heart. And she is the only thing that keeps me from crossing the line.

This never supposed to be so hard. This never supposed to hurt like this and especially not be this unfair. I never though I'd find myself in this situation again. Keeping secrets from her and then losing her again. 

The worst part probably is that I know I won't lose her. I know she loves me and she's having hard time like me. I know even if I let her go, she'll come back and forgive me. I know she won't give up like me and I especially know she won't be afraid. I know she'll still love me with all her heart and that, loving me, will never let her move on with her life and be genuinely happy.