All I Wanted Was You (Part 2)

Letters...: Part 1

(I'm going to skip around a bit, show you the first letter he wrote and then get into the deeper ones after that, the time range in the letters starts when Sam first started his letters to Jae / when they first met in 2009 and when he stopped / Jae was in purgatory with Dean and Cas and Sam got with Amelia in 2012 so 4 years worth of letters, but I obviously won't write them all down here, only some... Just to give you a sort of timeline on things. I'm going to do about 3 letters per part so I don't overload one part with too many.
Comment on the parts you like if you can ❤❤❤)

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Dear Jae,

    I'm just going to come right out and say it. I think I love you. No, I know I love you.
You're beautiful and smart, brave and kind, and so so much more.
    So this is the first of maybe many letters I'm going to write to you (and probably never send) because it's the only way I know of to make my feelings for you not swallow me whole.
    So I love you, I hope that's a surprise, if not then I'm too obvious and that will make me even more nervous around you than I already am.
   But, here's my first letter to the most beautiful woman in the world, I'm keeping it short and sweet for a first letter, but hopefully I'll get better at this with practice.
    Anyway, I'll just end this here for you, Jae. (Your name is beautiful just like you, by the way)

Love, Sam

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Dear Jae,

    I've been thinking a lot about you recently, but I think of you all the time so I guess I should just put it as, "I've been think about you".
    But mostly I've been thinking about how you make me feel.
    You've brought up feelings and dreams inside me I never knew I deserved, and sometimes it feels like a sin wanting you so bad, like someone like me, who's made so many undeniable and horrible mistakes, could never deserve someone so perfect as you.
    I'm a mess inside most of the time, and now because of you I'm always a mess. (Thanks a lot for that)
    Before I met you I was just regret and guilt, tired, and sorrow all mashed together, but since I met you you've interrupted all of that, like lodging a square peg in a round hole. You just forced your way into my heart, sending my whole world and security of where I was at and what I always felt and my mess that I'd just found my footing in to the ground, bringing a whole new mess of uncharted territory into my life.

    That mess you brought with you when you came into my life, it's all spelled out in one word in the logical side of my head, danger.
    Danger for you is all I see in this mess, and I'm afraid that you will get hurt because of the constant danger and threat that's attached to even being near me. So I'm afraid if I love you you'll get hurt.
    This is turning into a depressing letter instead of a love letter, but I just needed to get that off my chest somewhere instead of locking it in my own mind.
    I'll write to you again soon.

Love, Sam

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Dear Jae,

    I wish I was kissing you, I've never kissed you before and everytime I think about it (trust me, it's a lot) I can only imagine how soft your lips are, how perfectly they'd feel against mine.
    And holding your hand, I can only imagine it would be like your hand was meant to be in mine.
    Sorry if this is creepy, you know, like the kid who dropped out of Stanford to hunt monsters with his brother now is writing letters to a girl he probably has no chance with, and they're pretty obsessive. But you'll probably never read these so I guess I can say whatever I want... Now that's creepy. I'm sorry, I'll stop.
   
    ... But, I can't stop, if I did I think I'd explode or go into full cardiac arrest it would drive me so crazy. I have to get how I feel out somewhere, and telling you straight to your face just isn't a good option right now. You're way out of my league anyway so you probably just forget I'm here half the time, but I could never forget about you.
   I love you.

Love, Sam

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