Distant

Distant: Chapter 81

"What?" Colby asks. "You never fought for us. I always did. I was finally happy. That's when you decided to go after me. Do you just want to see me broken?" I cry out. "What Adalyn no. I never want to see you hurt. I love you with everything in me." He begs and I see his eyes redden as he seems to hold in tears. "All because I couldn't say I loved him more." I cry. "Adalyn I never meant for this happen. I love you." He says placing his hand on mine once again. I snatch them away. I don't care if he's the only one who can heal me he doesn't deserve my touch. "I may not have been able to say I don't love you, but you should know. I hate you. I hate you with everything in me. I hate you just as much as I love you if not more." I cry out in a cold voice. Colby falls to his knees and starts crying almost as much as me. I can't be here. I get up and walk out of the room and outside. I know deep down I didn't mean a single word I said to Colby, but I want to. I want to hate him with everything in me. I want to despise him, but I cant. I feel bad thinking about him.  I don't understand why. Andrew was supposed to be the love of my life and now he's dead because of Colby. I fall against the hospital wall in tears. 'Don't you think he feels that.' My subconscious tells me. "Shit!" I yell out lost in my empty thoughts. I get up and walk back into the room to see Colby crying on the floor. "Colby." I whisper as I enter and close the door behind me. He looks up and tries wiping his tears. I try to do the same thing myself, but they keep flowing after every wipe. "Adalyn. I don't deserve to be with you. I don't deserve to be here at all. Tbe world would be better if I died." Colby sobs out. That was it. My heart completely left my body, the moment those words cam out of his mouth. I fall onto the floor beside him and pull him to me. We hug each other so tight I can barely breathe, but it still doesn't feel close enough. "Colby I didn't mean it. I could never mean it. I was mad and I just wanted you to feel how I felt. It was wrong. I was wrong. I'm stupid. I don't know what I would do without you. If you left me to I swear to God I would just drop dead." I say letting out everything I truly feel. "Adalyn. I love you with everything in me, but you don't mean that. I really don't deserve you. I'd hate to ever lose you, but it's true." He cries. "Colby I meant every word I said to you just now. When I hugged you at the beach I felt a missing piece in my heart return to me. Your the love of my life and there's no more denying it. Everytime I denied it to myself, but I always felt something deep down telling me otherwise. When I tell you I love you. I don't feel that. When I feel your touch it's right. I mean look at us. We're clinging onto one another and I don't feel close enough. You were right. I had Andrew hanging on when deep down I knew tbe truth. It shouldn't have ended like this it's my fault." I cry out every word, never letting go of Colby. Colby rubs my back. "No this isn't your fault. You wanted to be with him, because I pushed you away. I didn't know how to keep you. I was to afraid of losing you, so I made up excuses and cut it off early, knowing you'd find someone better. Then you did and I couldn't take it. I ruined it again." Colby lets out his voice just as low and broken as ours. "He wasn't you though and I knew that and continued it. He deserved better than me he deserved the world, but I let him settle for me and now it's to late." I cry. "Adalyn he wanted you because your the best out there. You didn't do anything wrong." He says in a scratchy voice. I start sniff and try wiping my tears as more fall. Colby pulls away. "You know that you didn't do anything wrong okay?" He says looking into my eyes. I nod my head yes, but I still feel the guilt and feeling of it being my fault. I honestly only nodded my head, because I was somehow already missing Colby's presence as close as it was to me.