Red ribbons || Hyunlix

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Hyunjin walked back to his room, his mind racing, not helping the sinking sadness growing in the pit of his stomach.

Why didn't Felix back away, or throw a tantrum because the older touched him?

Jesus, they were practically kissing. What does that mean?

Why was Felix acting like that?

Fuck... if Chan finds out—

He shook his head, slapping softly his cheeks. Don't be delusional, stop hoping for something you know damn well won't happen.

He felt tears roll slowly down his cheeks, a sharp pain digging in his chest, leaning his head against his door, trying to calm himself down. He fished the key out of his pocket, groaning when he couldn't find it.

He frowned, hearing loud rustling and shuffling noises coming from Felix's room.

He dismissed it, searching his pockets for the key and wiping his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, sniffling softly.

The emotions were too overwhelming and that fucking key was making him bang his head against the door and scream the frustration out of his lungs.

He just needed alcohol to wash his sadness away. That's what always helped him for years.

"Come on, where the fuck are yo—" "Chan" his body froze hearing Felix's breathy moan coming from his room, making his stomach turn, nausea washing over him.

When Hyunjin realised what was happening in the room beside, his heart sank into the depths of his stomach and for a split second his heart didn't beat. As he took it all in, tears streamed down his face. The tears almost felt like fire as they effortlessly fell out of his eyes.

Squeezing his eyes close, Hyunjin clenched his jaw, the pain in his chest spreading into his whole body, making his fingertips tremble. More moans echoed, a lump forming in his throat.

His muscles contracted as he choked on a sob, everything crumbling down over him.

He leaned his back against the door, sliding down slowly, letting the reality eat him out and the noises didn't help at all.

He tried to think but his mind was too foggy, Felix's noises of pleasure making his mind stop working. More tears streamed down his face, rolling down his jaw and neck, wetting the skin.

After a few minutes of him crying in the hallway, trying to ignore Felix's moaning Chan's name, he remembered where he put the key of his room, jumping up in his feet, pulling up his hoodie until he reached the pocket on his shirt, sighing when he found the key there.

He bolted the door with fumbling fingers, sprinting inside his room and going towards his closet, digging from the back of it a bottle of Balkan vodka.

***

"Not everything is based on your trauma, Lix! Yes, it remains in you, making you be alert about everything, but sometimes you need to let your guard down" Chan said, his voice rising.

"How could I fucking let it down, Chan, tell me. These things inside me keep shouting at me that I am a waste, that it's my fault mom is dead and we're this traumatised, that I don't deserve any of this, that you, yes you, are using me—" Felix said, putting a clean shirt on. Chan sighed, rubbing his temple "For what? And what do you mean by we"

"Fuck knows. You have no one but I do and it hurts so bad knowing they suffer more than me."

Chan frowned, crossing his arms and leaning against the door flame "Who are you talking about?"