The Ludicrous Escapade Pt.3

Rolling in Dough

Gyro spoke to you from the corner of his mouth like some sort of ventriloquist. "You think you can do a better job?"

"Most of the time, yeah..." You slowly unmounted Moxy, being careful not to make any sudden movements as you spoke with the potential buyer. "Sir, forgive my friend's rudeness, but we really aren't trying to scam you."

"And seriously, how could you think this is fake?" Gyro waved the bills in front of the older guy's face. "If we wanted to rip you off, we'd do better! Of course they're fucking real!"

"Sure it is, hot shot!" The dude pulled down on the underside of his eye. "I've never seen a hundred dollar bill in my life! They've gotta be fake! Don't you have one dollar bills, or coins? And besides, I have a good eye. The gold and diamond are way too shiny to be real! Dumbass!"

"Then how about I give you this watch?" Gyro slapped it onto the guy's wrist, completely ignoring your attempt to smooth things over. "It's fine craftsmanship. Anyone could tell it's real, right? It's a famous and renowned watch brand."

"Gyro, look down! At your feet!" From his vantage point, Johnny had noticed something was up.

Roots sprouted from the Zeppeli's limbs. "Woah! What the hell is this?!" He fell over, no longer able to stay standing.

"Get that wristwatch back! Hurry up!" Shouted Johnny. "We need to have a fair, equitable trade!"

You dove toward the man and ripped off the watch. "Sorry about that, sir. But maybe we'll have something else that might interest you."

"That tree must be a Devil's Palm!" Johnny dragged a hand down his face. "It must be giving us some kind of test! It's seeing if we're worthy of owning these corpse parts! We haven't truly gotten them yet!"

"Hey, Johnny, do you think you get the mushrooms out from my bag?" You figured it was the least likely thing the potential customer would consider fake.

"Sure." He pulled them out and handed them to you.

"Are those matsutake mushrooms?" The man set his shotgun down. "How didja manage to find some out in the snow like this?" He carefully inspected them. "They look good. I'd be willin' to trade for that. If you're fine with that hill out there all the way in the back."

"Do you have a document of ownership?" Gyro felt it might be better to have some kind of proof.

"Yeah, just give me a sec." The man hobbled back to his house, his son in tow.

"This is bad... we have to hurry." There were only so many hours in a day and Johnny would prefer to not have to worry about becoming tree fruit.

"Yeah..." Gyro rubbed the underside of his nose. "I was taking this too lightly. We might actually have to listen to what that girl said."

"But it should be easier to do this in town, right?" You knew there'd at least be more than just one random dude on the side of the road. "For now we just need to wait for the guy to return."

...

Now the owners of some random hill, the three of you entered Milwaukee to spend some not-so-hard-earned cash.

First up was a fancy restaurant.

"Ugh..." Gyro gave his stomach a pat. " this expensive meal... Damn, that was so good! I'm so damn full!"

Johnny called over the waiter. "How much was the meal?"

The waiter displayed the check on a platter. "Five hundred twenty-two dollars and fifty cents."

Johnny shook his head. There was no way you'd all be able to spend everything at this rate. "I guess we should move on to the next thing."

"Okay. Just give me a second." You made your way over to another table and tapped the customer sitting there on the shoulder. You had noticed him staring longingly at his date who had just left to use the restroom. "By any chance, do plan on proposing to the lady that was here?"